Category Archives: family

Anger Part 2

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Hey!Anger is a difficult emotion to understand, witness or experience. We see the devastating results of unleashed anger all around us (war, family feuds, road rage, etc.).

Anger gets our adrenaline going and we get all worked up, but we might not even understand why. We are churning inside and feel the need to do something. The easiest thing we often do, is strike out at those in our immediate environment. For instance, we might get disturbing news and suddenly become all snarly with the people around us. A young child whose toy gets snatched out of his hand by a playmate, might retaliate with physical aggression. Watching children over many years, it is easy to see that this type of response is gut level and automatic.

If we want to have a different response, or if we want our children to have a different response, it will require understanding and training.

It is important to note that anger is most often a secondary response. That means that if we stop and investigate, there is a feeling lying underneath our gut response of anger. It often involves a feeling of hurt, loss or injustice.

Sometimes there is a clear source of our anger. For instance, if someone criticizes us, laughs at us, or tries to bully or abuse us, we can easily understand why we feel anger.

Other times the actions provoking anger may be more subtle. When someone makes a statement that disregards important points I’ve made, or values I hold, I can feel hurt, insulted, or invalidated and then I get angry. When someone spills something on my freshly mopped kitchen floor, I feel disregarded and taken for granted. I don’t feel the work I have done is being respected and I can easily get angry.

Exploring the underlying causes of our angry feelings is a very helpful step towards working towards a more mature response to anger.

Sometimes, as parents, we witness a young child’s anger, and it causes us embarrassment. Anger in children is so basic, and can be loud and poorly expressed. To save ourselves from the critical opinions of others, we can try to shut down this immature expression of anger – immediately. While this may save us momentary embarrassment, training our children to ignore their feelings and shut off their anger is not helping them to understand their emotions and learn to control their actions. And, as I mentioned here it can lead to serious health consequences for them later.

Finding other parents who understand the process of growing emotionally mature children is a great help on the parenting journey. If every parent around you shuts down their child’s anger, you can be regarded as a very poor example of a parent, when your child flies into a raging tantrum.

Showing respect for our children’s emotions does not mean pandering to them and allowing our children to always get whatever they want. It does mean allowing them to feel strongly and help them to understand where those strong feelings might be coming from.

AngerAn interesting and complicating factor is that angry children have a way of pushing our parenting buttons in just the right way to cause us to have a deep angry response. We need to stop and ask ‘what is that about?’ Does an angry outburst by your child feel like personal rejection to you, especially in light of all the great sacrifices you have made on behalf of the child – like sleep deprivation and hours of selfless toil? Do you feel like all the investment you have put into your child should result in a perfectly cooperative little person who shows you respect 100% of the time?

Sometimes we need to stop and work on our own issues so that we can grow in our own maturity in dealing with anger. Some of us might have been trained to stuff our anger which makes it very difficult to understand our raging emotions. Growing in our own understanding will help us to be much better at guiding our children in handling their strong feelings.

I have learned most of this the hard way, through the grace of Jesus Christ. These are not easy things to learn or recognize in ourselves, which is one of the many reasons I seek the power of God practically applied in every area of my life.

My web-site stats show a lot of people read Anger Part 1. I’m glad this information is being shared and found to be helpful. I’d love to hear your stories and dialogue about this important topic. Feel encouraged to leave your comments below. If for some reason the comment feature doesn’t work for you, please post or send me a private message on Facebook! I’d love to hear from you.

IMG_0423Becky Hastings, wife, mom to five, MIL of two, grandmother, passionate follower of Jesus, health promoter, breastfeeding counselor helping moms for 22+ years, and someone who seeks to understand interpersonal relationships!

Anger

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AngerEvery parent is challenged by anger. Many are totally surprised at their own capacity for anger towards the children they love more than life. Many are surprised by their child’s emerging anger when (not if) they begin to exert their personhood. The perfectly behaved one-year old seems angelic. Then one day, out of the blue, you see a glimpse of anger.  What is a parent to do?

I certainly don’t have all the answers.  For one thing I don’t know you or your child so I wouldn’t begin to give you advice or instructions.  Handling anger is not really as simple as one, two, three….

But we all need to spend some time thinking about anger. Whether we are being intentional or not, we are teaching our children about anger. Our primary method of teaching is how we model our own anger in front of them. What do we do when they do something that brings out anger in our hearts? How do we respond when life situations make us angry? Or what do we do when we face repeated frustration?

Some of us had great parents who modeled a healthy way of dealing with anger. Many of us were told that it was unacceptable to be angry and that when we felt anger, we were wrong. This approach to anger forced us to learn to ignore or stuff anger. Now as adults we may stuff, store, store, store, then BLOW! Have you ever experienced or witnessed a volcanic eruption of anger? Where did it come from it? Sometimes an angry response seems totally out of proportion with the provocation, giving a clue that there were many pent-up co-factors behind the eruption of anger.

ladderDr Ross Campbell has written many helpful parenting books. In How to Really Love Your Teen, he has a chapter in which he describes “The Anger Ladder.” This is a powerful illustration that gave me a lot of insight in parenting five children. Many parents I have shared it with over the years have found it beneficial.

Dr Campbell describes rungs of the Anger Ladder with the bottom rung being the lowest level of dealing with anger, and each successive step up the ladder represents growth. This visual picture helps you to understand that progress and  improvement in handling anger is possible. It also gives a clear guide and step by step goals to help our children (and often ourselves) reach maturity in handling anger.

1.  The absolute bottom rung of the ladder is stuffing.  Stuffing happens when anger is not acknowledged or dealt with, but it is stuffed internally. This method of dealing with anger comes at a great personal cost. The negative emotions we feel, but do not have the freedom to express, end up being turned on ourselves. Bottling up anger over many years can lead to serious illnesses, such as cancer, auto-immune disorders, depression, and other chronic conditions. It’s as if the body has to attack something when angry, so by forcing ourselves to stuff anger, we end up attacking ourselves.

2.  The next level is passive aggressive behavior. It is not always intentionally thought out, but if you know someone who deals with anger in this way, there always seem to be little things that happen which seem attacking – just not directly. A person who is operating with passive aggressive behavior is not always aware of their need and desire to “get back” at the person they are angry with in this subtle form. It can be a serious challenge to recognize and deal with this sort of learned behavior. Sometimes passive aggressive behavior is very difficult to spot in the mirror. It involves having an overall negative attitude or reaction to someone without addressing the specific issue that has provoked a negative reaction.

3. The next level of anger is undifferentiated physical abuse to anything and anyone nearby.  While this is not a great way to manifest anger, it is an improvement on step 1 or 2!  If this is where your toddler or child is at, don’t try to stifle it! That would be working backwards. Rather, try to help your child understand their rage and seek to move them UP the ladder, perhaps one rung at a time. Sometimes, as parents, we want them to jump right to the top rung with perfect control of themselves while addressing the issue that is bothering them.  How many adults do you know who manage anger that well? How often do you manage it? Lowering our expectations of our children will allow them to learn to deal with their anger in a more healthy way. It takes patience and wisdom.

4. Level four is characterized by a physical attack on the object of the anger. This is never good. But the good thing to recognize is that even this demonstrates improvement and growth in handling anger. Instead of just a general overall feeling of anger, the anger is being targeted towards its object. As a parent, sometimes we may need to physically restrain our children by holding them, as we help them understand their emotions and guide them towards higher levels of managing anger.

Dr Campbell goes on to describe various other manifestations and levels of anger. You might rank them differently from him, or from me. The point is there is a progression:

5. emotionally destructive behavior;
6. verbal abuse;
7. destroying property;
8. throwing objects;
9. expressing unrelated complaints;
10. becoming angry at someone else who is a bystander instead of at the source of the anger;
11. cursing;
12. unpleasant and loud behavior;
13. thinking logically and constructively;
14. holding to the primary complaint, not to peripheral issues;
15. focusing anger on the source only;
16. seeking resolution to the conflict while maintaining respectful behavior.

So, if you or your child is angry and expressing the anger with unpleasant and loud behavior (12), you can reassure yourself that they have actually progressed quite high on the anger ladder. Yes, there is room for improvement, but recognizing the progress towards maturity can provide freedom to develop that maturity.

Anger can be extremely awkward. Everyone exposed to anger can be impacted. Children exposed to parental anger at a young age can be emotionally bruised and suffer damage.

God gave us all of our emotions. Anger is a way we have of protecting ourselves. God can also use our anger to accomplish great works through us when it is directed and controlled by His Spirit.

Parenting gives us the opportunity to learn to grow in maturity in how we handle anger, so that we can provide an example of the process of being angry in front of our children. Modelling mature behavior is by far the most powerful teaching device we have available. Additionally, we have the opportunity to help our children recognise their own feelings of anger and frustration, help them identify and understand the source, and explore the response options available to them. Understanding this process and committing to it will ensure that our children can grow in maturity in their ability to handle this powerful emotion.

If you discover that you might have been stuck on rung 1 or 2 of the anger ladder, you might want to work at discovering the sources of your anger using a method like EFT. If you’ve been trying to get your child’s anger to ‘go away,’ you might actually be inadvertently encouraging them to stuff anger in a very unhealthy way. It can be scary to help our children come to terms with their anger, but the lack of obvious outward anger is not always good for them in the long-term. A perfectly controlled child does not always mean all is well. God has given us ALL our emotions. Tuning in to the source of anger can give us insight into the passions God has put in our heart.

What has been your biggest challenge in training your children to express anger appropriately?

Next post… Anger Part 2

IMG_0423Author: Becky Hastings, wife, mom to five, MIL of two, grandmother, passionate follower of Jesus, health promoter, breastfeeding counselor helping moms for 22+ years, and someone who seeks to understand interpersonal relationships!

Adult Disposable Underwear (aka diapers)

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disposable diapersJudging from the product space given in supermarkets and the advertisements for these products, it must be a burgeoning industry. When I did a search for incontinence products I was overwhelmed.

WHY?

Why is there so much need for this product today that there wasn’t 10, 15, or 20 years ago?

These questions should be asked by everyone who would never want to wear them and doesn’t really want to change someone they love.

I submit that the toxins assaulting our brains and basic bodily functions are possibly the primary culprits for this trend of incontinence. The worst offenders could be:

  1. VACCINATIONS & MEDICATIONS. We are injecting our children and ourselves with concoctions which contain harmful chemicals and known brain damaging heavy metals. Prescription and over the counter medications have been accepted as a normal part of life. We don’t question our need for pain relievers, asthma medications, antibiotics, etc. etc. etc. The average child now takes how many medications in their lifetime? The average senior citizen is on how many prescriptions?
  2. CHEMICAL ADDITIVES IN OUR FOOD, CLEANING PRODUCTS AND PERSONAL CARE PRODUCTS. We are exposed to ±80,000 chemicals on a regular basis and yet no one has ever studied how these chemicals can interact with each other in our body. Educate yourself. Room fresheners pouring out chemicals for you and your loved ones to regularly breathe in are NOT a good idea. Any product you put on your skin is absorbed. Wean yourself off of your favorite products. There are substitutes that are healthier and CHEAPER! There are so many ways you can make your own. We have been the victims of marketing exercises our whole life. We think it would be impossible to get clean clothes without certain well known brand names. We have been indoctrinated to think any product that is promoted to make me look good is good.
  3. ARTIFICIAL SWEETENERS are maybe the WORST offender of all. Sweeteners created in laboratories are widely added to all manner of ‘food’ items. Science has shown repeatedly that these chemical concoctions are harmful, yet it has become a political issue to keep them in our supermarkets. When combined, these compounds can boil at 87° F. With our natural body temperature at 98 ° F, these chemicals are hitting our body and having chemical reactions inside of us, destroying bladders and more. They also cross the blood brain barrier and cause brain damage.

If you scoff and think you are not going to give up your artificial sweeteners I have to ask why?

  • The addictive property of these chemicals is extremely high. You are probably addicted if even the thought of discovering the truth makes you want to avoid the effort. You are happily living in the lies of marketing.
  • If you think they help you lose weight or avoid gaining weight, the evidence does not support this. Studies show that people who use artificial sweeteners actually gain weight. If you want to lose weight, detoxing from these products is one of the first and best things you can do for yourself.

I’ve avoided writing about these issues for a long time because they are so entrenched in our society that sometimes when I mention the dangers people think I am the one who is crazy.

However, my ongoing research has convinced me that the science ABSOLUTELY SUPPORTS THE FACT THAT THESE THINGS ARE DANGEROUS AND CAN BE DEADLY. Continue to use them at your own peril. But, please inform yourself. And don’t give them to your children or anyone you love – unless you want to be changing their adult diapers when they become incontinent.

Live long, live well. Seek the truth in all things.

“My purpose is that you may be encouraged in heart and united in love so that you may have the full measure of complete understanding, in order that you may know the mystery of God, namely Jesus Christ, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge.  I tell you this so that no one may deceive you with fine sounding arguments.” Paul, 2000 years ago

 

References:

Dr. Russell Blaylock, a board-certified neurosurgeon, combines many years of medical practice with study of thousands of research studies to create this monumental book. Author of Excitotoxins: The Taste that Kills, one of the first books to address the hazards of food additives, he has also written several other medical books and numerous scientific articles.

Dr Janet Hull, unparalleled researcher and authority on Aspartame, author of Sweet Poison: How the World’s Most Popular Artificial Sweetener is Killing Us – My Story.

H. J. Roberts, M.D., F.A.C.P., F.C.C.P, author of Aspartame Disease: An Ignored Epidemic, Sunshine Sentinel Pr Inc (May 1, 2001) is a Board-certified internist in West Palm Beach, and an internationally respected medical consultant and researcher. He is on the Staff of Good Samaritan Hospital and St. Mary’s Hospital, Director of the Palm Beach Institute for Medical Research (since l964), and a member of prestigious medical and scientific organizations–including TheEndocrine Society and the American Academy of Neurology.

David L. Lewis PhD, 30 years of experience in the EPA and author of Science for Sale: How the US Government Uses Powerful Corporations and Leading Universities to Support Government Policies, Silence Top Scientists, Jeopardize Our Health, and Protect Corporate Profits.

 

 

Why I Question Everything

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magnifying glassOnce I was an undercover non vaccine giver. That is, when my children were born I was non-compliant with the standard recommendations for that time by my doctor, the CDC, and society at large. As a strong follower of Jesus Christ I wonder at my determined rebellion in this regard. Two other factors make this strong bold stance even more unusual.

Firstly, my father was a career employee of the CDC and spent his life researching, understanding and developing ways to work with viruses. He was part of the emerging science of virology in its earliest days, having started at the CDC in about 1965. He was a fantastic man. He feared and honored God and it was his recommendation to me personally that while there might be a very small chance of a vaccine injury to the individual child, the overall benefit to public health made the vaccination program worth that small risk. We had many non-heated debates over the years and he respected my opinions and my choices. We would share papers with each other that supported our respective viewpoints. This was before the internet when access to information was much more difficult. Mothering Magazine with its very well referenced articles was a lifeline.

My father passed away in 2003 at the age of 68, suddenly and unexpectedly while enjoying great health. I have so many questions I would love to discuss with him now. I think if he evaluated all the current scientific information, he would be forced to conclude that the position he held earlier had been wrong and that he had been misled and misdirected. If he were able to read the transcripts of the Simpsonwood Conference 2000  where the most significant role-players from all government agencies along with pharmaceutical vaccine manufacturers’ representatives met to discuss the problems they were having with their data, I feel certain he would be alerted to ask a lot harder questions than those attending the meeting asked. I feel confident that had he been aware of the discussions at that important meeting where they all agreed “there is a strong signal between thimerosal vaccines and autism,” but the main thing we must do is figure out how to save our vaccine program and not let the public lose confidence in our recommendations, he would surely have been alarmed at their questionable plan to “massage the data” so it would deliver a different conclusion.

The second fact that seems odd in my determined rebellion against established authority in the choices I made regarding vaccinating my children, is the fact that I had become a wholehearted 100% surrendered follower of Jesus Christ. Now, rebellion would have been my normal mode in my late teens because at that stage I was wholeheartedly rebelling against most of the wise advice I had been blessed with throughout my childhood. But God, in His grace and mercy, did not leave me in my rebelliousness which resulted in self destructive actions and heartache. He rescued me and allowed me to see that the only way I would find happiness and fulfillment in my life was to understand the Creator’s design, and seek to live in harmony with Him. He revealed Jesus to me and I began my genuine relationship with my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

In every single area of my life I seek the wisdom and counsel of Jesus. I’m not saying I am perfect, but having once been deceived into thinking right was wrong and wrong was right, I now question everything with vehemence. Married to a marvelous man, expecting our first child, I basked in the fullness of God’s grace and sought to seek His wisdom in every single decision I made. I read about the benefits of a natural whole foods diet, natural childbirth, breastfeeding, etc. and sought to implement every truth I discovered into my life. I was hungry for Jesus and I was hungry for His truth.  While studying the values of breastfeeding based on the knowledge and understanding available in 1982, I was astounded by the immunological aspects of breast milk – all part of our Creator’s magnificent design.

This caused me to question and ultimately reject the idea of injecting toxic ingredients into my baby who was designed to receive all the protection he needed from my breast milk. I didn’t throw out the idea of vaccines altogether, but I firmly decided they had no business being injected into my precious exclusively breastfed infant.  From that choice I continued to research and read everything I could find based on true science, not just opinion pieces, on the risk of various diseases and the risk/benefit ratio of injecting toxic ingredients into my children with the idea of ‘protecting them from something terrible.’

I was not outspoken beyond my family about my choices.  It was a time where very few people had enough confidence to speak out against vaccinations.

In 1986 the US government passed the National Childhood Vaccine Injury Act because they had concluded that vaccines were unavoidably unsafe and they wanted to find a way to compensate families that experienced vaccine injury without endangering the vaccine program. The vaccine manufacturers had threatened to stop making vaccines because all the claims for injury were negatively impacting their profit margins. The US gov considered vaccines essential, thus establishing this protection against liability for the corporations.

Recomended Vaccines 83-2015Since 1986 the vaccine manufacturers have had to face zero liability for the products they make – no matter the cost to human life through death or suffering. Vaccine manufacturers have been shielded from any harm their products might cause for nearly 30 years. There is no other product in the US market that is protected from all liability. This action has also caused the most amazing surge in development of more vaccines and more players getting into the game – they have a free pass!  NO LIABILITY. Why not? In the last thirty years the childhood vaccine schedule has tripled. Most parents today have no idea of this increase.  They think – I got shots, my baby will get shots.  They have no idea how many more toxic ingredients their baby is going to be exposed to.

The result is that to date you can read the data on payouts for vaccine injuries which amount to over $3.1 Billion dollars.[1]  Some of this money has gone to families. Much to lawyers, as the system that was intended to be a simple way for injured families to get redress, has turned into a complicated machine requiring amazing resolve and years before you ever get an admission of injury and compensation. There are many interesting facts associated with this system. One is that only about 25% of claims are given monetary payouts. So 75% of parents whose child has died or been severely injured through vaccines – so much so that they are willing to spend years trying to prove it – are turned away because they are thought to be ‘frauds’?[2]

Another interesting fact is that 90% of the vaccine injuries are never reported and no claim is filed. There are many reasons proposed for this sad fact. One is that most families have no idea of the existence of such a claim mechanism and often find out after the 2 year cut-off time. Another reason is doctors will routinely disregard obvious vaccine injury.  They have been trained and taught that vaccine injury does not exist, so they cannot see it when it is right in front of them.  It often takes parents years to realize that the strange onset of illness immediately following their child’s shots were actually a reaction to the shots.

Vaccines are unavoidably unsafe, acknowledged by the US Supreme Court, yet most doctors continue to maintain that not vaccinating your child is one of the most dangerous things you could do. I wonder about this. I ended up having to give some vaccines to some of my children mainly because we moved from one country to another and there was a vaccine requirement to get in. My two boys were much older, so I didn’t feel too awful about giving just a few vaccines, but knowing what I know now, I would never give any baby any. It is amazing how strongly parents can be pressured into giving vaccines. Fear is usually the main motivating factor.

I have mothered five children over 31 years.  We have experienced chicken pox, mumps, whooping cough and rotavirus among the usual childhood illnesses of coughs and colds, etc. All of my children were breastfed exclusively for six months and continued breastfeeding until at least the age of two. None of these illnesses were life threatening. As I have read numerous accounts of children who have significant brain dysfunction and illness as a result of vaccine injury, I decided I can no longer be an Undercover Vaccine Refuser. My desire is to encourage and completely support parents who choose health through respect for their design rather than relying on some sort of false sense of health through a toxic vaccine injection. There are currently thousands of families who are learning how to heal autism and other vaccine injuries through understanding the damage that has been caused and using a bio-medical approach to healing. Healing is possible, but avoiding injury is even better.

It is tragic that more doctors won’t take the time to dig deeply into the science to find the truth. There is a huge industry providing vaccines.  The Department of Health and Human Services is itself a patent holder of some vaccines!  Those who benefit and prosper from the distribution of vaccines hold on to their viewpoint at the cost of children’s health. This is such a huge system, it has been in place for so long, and there are so many whose livelihood is directly tied to the maintenance of the current system, that very few are willing to take a risk and re-think the impact of vaccines on health and our understanding of the immune system.

It’s time for parents to think and learn for themselves.  We have to help and support parents to make wise decisions for their family.  Don’t trust everything you are told.  Ask a lot of questions.

How are you making sure your journey leads to health?

Author: Becky Hastings, wife, mother, grandmother, passionate follower of Jesus and truth. As a breastfeeding counselor for over 23 years Becky is devoted to helping parents make wise decisions for the long-term health and wellbeing of their babies. As a member of a Vaccine Safety Education Coalition, Becky writes and speaks on the topic of vaccine safety.

[1] Official US Government website on National Vaccine Injury Compensation Program – HRSA

[2] Video explaining NVICP by the Canary Party

For Parents

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bonding w baby

Being a parent is a big responsibility. Our precious baby totally depends on us to make every important decision.

I want you to know right up front I have nothing to gain from any decision you make for your baby.  I just love healthy children.

I love seeing my children enjoy great health and even though they are now 31, 28, 24, 20 and 13, I don’t even like them to get a cold or anything that slows them down even for a half a day!

I love seeing my grandchildren robustly healthy, loving healthy food and thriving in their brain, body and soul.

I volunteer with children and love to see healthy robust children brimming with life and curiosity.  They are so precious and I love their energy.

Babies now receive more vaccines than ever in history and the USA recommends more shots than any other country.  Yet our children are not healthier and the US infant death rate is not something to be proud of. Why?

When I see a child struggling my heart aches.  Vaccine damage is real and many families have learned the hard way.  Sometimes vaccine damage can be seen in the eyes of a child, as Dr. Andrew Moulden documented extensively.  Just as a stroke victim often has parts of their face or eye movement impaired because of the damage caused by the stroke, so a child injured by vaccines often has a ‘pull’ in one of their eyes.  You can go back and look at baby pictures and often identify when it happened. Vaccines have heavy metals added to them, sometimes as preservatives and sometimes to actually make a bigger impact on the body.  However, these heavy metals can cause damage to the brain and interfere with the normal function of the immune system.

A common complication of vaccines is repeated ear infections and much higher levels of sickness in the first two years.  It seems the children just catch everything.  I hate to see children suffering unnecessarily.  Life is too short to spend a lot of time in doctors offices or hospitals.  Life is too short to watch your child develop a chronic illness from being injected with ingredients hostile to their body while their immune system tries to respond the best way it knows how.

I respect the fact that God made our bodies good.  He designed them with an immune system that can handle anything.  The vaccine ‘scientists’ think they have improved upon God’s design and will give you ‘protection’ from childhood illnesses.  I would rather trust in God than in the vaccine scientists. While some of the scientists researching vaccines may claim to be followers of Jesus Christ,  the originators of vaccines mostly denied God and sought to circumvent the body’s defense mechanisms. They believed the body was deficient and that their concoctions would provide benefits.  All vaccine science has been built on a faulty foundation.  When we leave God out of our scientific thought, we can become hopelessly confused.  Paul talks about this in his writing.

With the Lord’s authority I say this: Live no longer as the Gentiles do, for they are hopelessly confused. Their minds are full of darkness; they wander far from the life God gives because they have closed their minds and hardened their hearts against Him. Eph 4:17-18

A scientist who denies God is hopelessly confused. That confusion leads to more confusion.  In the case of vaccine science it also leads to a lot of suffering.  The US government acknowledges this suffering.  They set up the vaccine court because they admitted that vaccines were unavoidably unsafe. Nearly $3 Billion has been paid out towards those who have been injured or killed as a result of recieving vaccines.  This is only the tip of the iceberg since only 25% of claims filed with the NVICP are paid out (many are refused on technicalities after years of waiting) and only about 10% of people who experience injury even bother to file.  Using these numbers, it could be extrapolated that the damage from vaccines runs over $100 Billion.

Many thousands of families are suffering with serious debilitating health challenges due to receiving the recommended vaccines.  They have been forced to re-think and dig deep to discover the scientific basis of the shots given to children.  Many are doctors and other professionals.  They feel betrayed and want to warn others.  They aren’t crazy as the media and vaccine promoters would like to make them out to be.  They are extremely caring people. They are willing to take all the insults and abuse the well organized vaccine promoters try to overwhelm them with and they continue – because they want others to avoid the pain and suffering they have experienced.

Who would you rather believe?  A drug representative, a doctor, or company whose livelihood depends on the ongoing vaccination program? Or a parent of a vaccine injured child whose only benefit they gain is the satisfaction of knowing they have helped educate and prevent a potential injury?

Even if you aren’t convinced, give the parents of vaccine injured children a chance to share what they have learned through painstaking research.  Here is one I admire a lot.

 

Settling Disagreements

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Locking HornsLocking horns. It can happen often. Two strong personalities with strong ideas are bound to disagree. Add more strong personalities to the mix and it is a real tangle!

I am refreshed daily when I reflect on the ancient writings of Paul, an ardent follower of Jesus.  He had a simple message, a focussed life and wrote letters to encourage and instruct.  You might not be a follower of Jesus, but you can still receive timeless wisdom from this remarkable ancient writer.  He has a helpful recipe for settling disagreements that I have found incredibly helpful during 33 years of marriage and raising five children into adulthood.

  1. Realize selfishness and pride could be operating in you.  Examine yourself thoroughly.  Most of us would prefer to skip this step. I know I would.
  2. Ask what are my neighbors interests? Truly seek to understand where they are coming from.
  3. What might God want to accomplish in this? In the heat of our emotion, it is hard to see that there might be a larger purpose to our current disagreement. Jesus was 100% right, but He did not hold on to his position. He willingly allowed the bad guys to get the upper hand. We need to seek God’s outcome, not our own.
  4. Allow God’s Spirit to energize you.  He will give you the desire to do the right thing!
  5. BTW, do everything (these steps, and everything else) without: complaining, bickering, and name-calling. This requires self-control. If you feel you are losing self-control, walk away until you can regain it!
  6. Cling to words that bring life.  Find them, share them, repeat them to yourself. Most of use have negative tapes playing in our head. We need a new mind-set to help us rise above our disagreements.

These insights are gleaned from Paul’s letter to the Philippians, chapter 2, which you can read from The Voice below.

Do Paul’s words help you when you think of the ways you usually lock horns?

2 If you find any comfort from being in the Anointed, if His love brings you some encouragement, if you experience true companionship with the Spirit, if His tenderness and mercy fill your heart; then, brothers and sisters, 2 here is one thing that wouldcomplete my joy—come together as one in mind and spirit and purpose, sharing in the same love. 3 Don’t let selfishness and prideful agendas take over. Embrace true humility, and lift your heads to extend love to others. 4 Get beyond yourselves and protecting your own interests; be sincere, and secure your neighbors’ interests first.

5 In other words, adopt the mind-set of Jesus the Anointed. Live with His attitude in your hearts. Remember:

6 Though He was in the form of God,
He chose not to cling to equality with God;
7 But He poured Himself out to fill a vessel brand new;
a servant in form
and a man indeed.
The very likeness of humanity,
8 He humbled Himself,
obedient to death—
a merciless death on the cross!
9 So God raised Him up to the highest place
and gave Him the name above all.
10 So when His name is called,
every knee will bow,[a]
in heaven, on earth, and below.
11 And every tongue will confess[b]
“Jesus, the Anointed One, is Lord,”
to the glory of God our Father!

12 So now, my beloved, obey as you have always done, not only when I am with you, but even more so when I can’t be. Continue to work out your salvation, with great fear and trembling, 13 because God is energizing you so that you will desire and do what always pleases Him.

14 Do all things without complaining or bickering with each other, 15 so you will be found innocent and blameless; you are God’s children called to live without a single stain on your reputations among this perverted and crooked generation. Shine like stars across the land. 16 Cling to the word of life so that on the day of judgment when the Anointed One returns I may have reason to rejoice, because it will be plain that I didn’t turn from His mission nor did I work in vain. 17 Even if my lifeblood is to be poured out like wine as a sacrifice of your faith, I have great reason to celebrate with all of you. 18 And for the same reason, you can be glad and celebrate with me.

Recipe for Peace

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PeaceBiblical wisdom might help you, even if you aren’t a follower of Jesus or don’t believe the Bible. Paul spent years traveling and teaching people how to live out Jesus’ words. In his letter to a group of people, he shares some key points for helping people live in peace with themselves and each other.  I think they are still helpful today.

  1. Settle disagreements. Don’t let things accumulate. It is normal to disagree – even with people you love, or are working hard together to accomplish the same goals. Bearing in mind that there are at least three points of view involved: yours, the other party’s and the whole truth.  The whole truth comes from “the Master in heaven who doesn’t take sides or pick favorites” (Ephesians 6:9).
  2. Help others settle disagreements – don’t take sides. Help them to see what is motivating them and what is motivating the other party.
  3. Choose joy.  Find the joy. Don’t let  a disagreement or negativity weigh you down.
  4. Be gentle and considerate of others. They have a lot of background stuff – just like you do.
  5. Don’t worry about anything; pray. Tell God specifically what you need. Don’t ruminate or dwell on what you don’t have, negative aspects of the situation, or what bad things might happen, just pray possible solutions.
  6. Thank God for all He has done. Make a list of anything and everything remotely good in your life. Review and add to your list. All good gifts come from God.
  7. Fix your thoughts on what is true, honorable, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, and worthy of praise. Look hard to find these thoughts. Making this a continuous habit takes some effort, but pays off.

Reviewing this list helps to re-set my heart and mind in the midst of any struggle I might be having – either with myself or with another person.  I thank God for the wisdom Paul shared which continues to live on through the pages of a book that so many of us take for granted!

Here is the source for my outline in a version you might not have encountered.  Please let me know what you think! How has following, or not following, these guidelines impacted the peace in your heart or home?

2 Euodia and Syntyche, I urge you to put aside your differences, agree, and work together in the Lord. 3 Yes, Syzygus, loyal friend, I enlist you to please help these women. They, along with brother Clement and many others, have worked by my side to spread the good news of the gospel. They have their names recorded in the book of life.

4 Most of all, friends, always rejoice in the Lord! I never tire of saying it: Rejoice!5 Keep your gentle nature so that all people will know what it looks like to walk in His footsteps. The Lord is ever present with us. 6 Don’t be anxious about things; instead, pray. Pray about everything. He longs to hear your requests, so talk to God about your needs and be thankful for what has come. 7 And know that the peace of God (a peacethat is beyond any and all of our human understanding) will stand watch over your hearts and minds in Jesus, the Anointed One.

8 Finally, brothers and sisters, fill your minds with beauty and truth. Meditate on whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is good, whatever is virtuous and praiseworthy. 9 Keep to the script: whatever you learned and received and heard and saw in me—do it—and the God of peace will walk with you. Paul, Philippians 4, The Voice

 

 

What are we feeding our children?

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OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA As we face another in the seemingly endless stream of holidays that seem more like excuses for marketing exercises and enhancing bottom lines, I am struck by the fact that:

Even when we give our children poison without realizing it, the result is the same.

In Poisoned Profits: The Toxic Assault on Our Children, Philip Shabecoff and Alice Shabecoff give a detailed analysis of several communities that experienced extreme toxic exposure due to negligence in environmental waste disposal.  Parents and children were drinking toxic water and breathing toxic air without knowing it – and the children suffered.  They recount high cases of birth defects and serious illness among children exposed to toxins whose parents had no idea that the location of the home they were providing for their children, was poisoning them.

As you face the onslaught of very creative marketing, ‘food’ industry giants and peer (and kid) pressure tempting you to buy delicious ‘treats’ for your kids, do you ask yourself any questions?

  • What is in this?
  • Is it good for my kids?
  • What is the long-term impact it could have on their health?

Dr Mark Hyman explains that excess consumption of HFCS (high fructose corn syrup) and/or sugar are causing an epidemic of illness and obesity – especially among children.

He sums up his concerns regarding the extraordinary amounts consumed in the USA.

  • We are consuming HFCS and sugar in pharmacologic quantities never before experienced in human history–140 pounds a year versus 20 teaspoons a year 10,000 years ago.

  • High fructose corn syrup is always found in very poor-quality foods that are nutritionally vacuous and filled with all sorts of other disease promoting compounds, fats, salt, chemicals, and even mercury.  5 Reasons…

As parents we face decisions about what is best for our children on a regular basis.  We are the guardians of their health.  The food industry is concerned about one thing – their bottom lines and their continued success.  They are not concerned about your child’s health and well-being.  Don’t let them call the shots in your home.  Protect your children and give them natural, safe foods.  You can make family memories without having to resort to purchasing processed food-like products loaded with sugar or HFCS.  You do not have to participate in organized events which promote highly processed treats for your children.

You are not being a ‘mean mom’ when you choose to limit your child’s exposure to poison.  You are being smart.  Find other moms who desire to protect their children and brainstorm together about how you can model safe food choices.

Healthy moms unite!  This is a war and the target is your children.  It is your job to protect them.  Don’t think that just because “everyone else is doing it” it is safe.  Don’t think that just because it is for sale in your local supermarket it is safe.

Protect your child from greed. You’ll be glad you did.

I’m just a mom, but I love to see healthy children and my heart aches with every account of illness, especially serious unnecessary illness caused by longterm toxic exposure, in children.  I just witnessed, with shock and horror, a group of moms setting up an Easter Egg hunt for a large group of pre-school children.  I watched as loving moms, dads and grandparents accompanied their children to experience the fun and excitement of filling their baskets with Easter Eggs – at a church.

What ways do you protect your family from the media onslaught?
What special things do you do at  holidays that give lasting healthy memories?

No Guarantees

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handsIn parenting there are no guarantees.  Most parents are filled with awe at the prospect of being responsible for a new life and try and do everything ‘right’.  Some research like crazy, others take opinion polls from their friends or rely on the accumulated wisdom they’ve gleaned over the years.  They know in their heart – they will never be ‘that’ parent – the one in their memory who was sooooo obviously wrong.

Our attempts to be the perfect parent are often interesting for others to watch!  Usually we are unaware of how we appear.

Some parents rely heavily on whatever their doctor, or midwife, or best friend advises.  They might read a book claiming to have all the answers to how to make sure your baby is healthy, sleeps through the night from an early age, and is the brightest baby on the block. We set our sights on the ‘true path to parenting perfection’ completely unaware that there is no perfect method, and anyone who claims to have it, is either delusional or lying.

All parents want the best for their baby – those that learn about the increased toxic exposure children face today and carefully avoid all heavy metals, including fish, medication and vaccinations AND those who fear their child might unnecessarily experience suffering through a ‘vaccine preventable disease’ so they make sure they fully vaccinate themselves, their baby, and anyone coming into contact with the baby.

Happy Grandparents June 13I have been at this job of parenting for over 31 years.  My husband and I have been blessed with five amazing children, two daughters in love and three wonderful grandchildren.  The bottom line is that anything good we have done with our children has been through the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ and that His mercy is enough for most of our mistakes.

In the end we have to seek to follow Him with all our heart, mind and soul and seek the wisdom He wants to give us on a daily basis.  We can have absolute confidence that He does not want to leave us in the dark, but loves us absolutely and wants to reveal His truths to us.

Choose faith over fear.  Parent out of your faith and confidence that God created your child in your womb and can give your body the ability to grow a healthy child – even if you decline to get an early photo!  Make your parenting decisions based on faith in the immune system God designed.  Never make a decision out of fear.  Pray and ask to be led to the information you need to make a wise choice.

Read both sides of any discussion.  Don’t be afraid to explore what the best of the best has to say to support their claims.  Read every word of any medication’s package insert before administering it to your child.  Don’t give anything just because a doctor or a pharmacist says its safe.  Empower yourself with knowledge. When in doubt wait and pray. The more information you have in advance the easier it will be to make decisions.

But in the end, follow your heart of faith in a God who loves you – don’t follow fear.  Life is not perfect.  Even if you take every possible precaution you can still end up with a situation you did not plan or desire.  Continue to choose faith.  Faith that God can work all things for our good as we love Him and follow His call on our life.

Sometimes we learn the best lessons through the biggest difficulties.  No one wakes up and orders challenges and difficulties for breakfast, but sometimes as parents we find they show up on our plate.  We can respond with faith and seek the strength and grace Jesus wants to imbibe in us.

How has God turned your greatest challenges into triumphs? Let me know in the comments below.  Your story can inspire others.

 

 

What’s a parent to do?

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IMG_0517Parenting is more difficult than ever before.  Parents now have access to more information than any previous generation.  However, so much of the information is contradictory it can leave a brand new parent bewildered and confused and result in even more self-doubt than ever.  Parents have always suffered from self-doubt, but the current array of strong opinions on so many different parenting subjects, can actually undermine a new parent, cause them to question themselves continuously, and even interfere with the natural bonding process.

So, what’s a parent to do?

  • Find information that strengthens you and leaves you feeling excited and invigorated about this journey of parenthood.
  • Listen to your heart.
  • Question everything.  Feel free to question me, disagree with me, find your own answers.
  • Never operate out of fear.  Our fears can be about what other people might think, fear of not being the ‘perfect parent,’ fear of exposing our child to some perceived danger, etc.
  • Never operate out of pride.  Our pride in our accomplishment as a parent can cause us to push our children or try to mold them into something we can brag about.  This is not a healthy response to the uniqueness of our children.
  • Take time to refresh and boost yourself.  Give yourself permission.  At first, when your baby is small it might be just setting aside 20 minutes a day and talking a walk while wearing your baby.  There might be a million things in your home crying out for your attention, but taking that walk is probably what your brain and body need. As your baby gets older and is able to happily stay for a short time with a loving care-giver, use the time to truly refresh yourself.  Exercise is usually better than shopping.  Just saying.
  • Find wisdom from parents who have a relationship with their older children which you admire.

For me, personally, I find incredible insight and wisdom from reading regularly through the Bible.  The first four books of the New Testament provide eye-witness accounts of the life of Jesus, his teachings and his example of sacrifice.  The rest of the ancient documents making up the New Testament were written by the original followers of Jesus explaining how to put Jesus’ life and teaching into practice. Living with a knowledge of God’s love for me motivates and inspires me to love my children beyond my own ability.

Jesus loved children.  He was upset that people would mistreat children, or even that they would try and keep children away from him.  He wanted to interact with them.  He healed many children from dreadful physical illnesses. He loved their childlike faith.  He even said His followers needed to become more like children. He summed up the entire law in a very simple statement: love God with all your heart mind and soul, and love others as you love yourself.  If we remember to love our children and put their needs on the same level as our own, we will be the best parent our child could hope to have.

Most homes have too many rules.  If we simplify to just respect ourselves and respect others, most of the other issues will be resolved. Parenting is a long-term commitment.  You don’t need to be perfect.  Let go of even hoping to be perfect. Allow yourself to learn through your mistakes and understand what you are aiming for. Taking a longer term perspective will help you weather the bumps you will face.  No parenting journey is without them!

What do you hope your relationship with your child will be like when they are 30 years old?  When they are a parent?