Hope in the midst of Cancer

According to current statistics nearly 1 out of every 2 people in the USA will wind up hearing the dreaded words, cancer.  Despite all the money contributed to cancer research over the past 50 years, and all the money insurance companies pay for cancer treatments, the rate of cancer and the survival statistics have never been worse.

Every time I see an appeal for help to a cancer patient or help to find the cure, I want to shout – THERE ARE MANY CURES ALREADY!  It’s just that they don’t make the headline news.  They are happening though – without a doubt.  If you, or a loved one, has heard those dreaded words, don’t believe the standard rhetoric.  Look for all the cures.  Here is one great story by a 26 year old that was diagnosed with Stage 3 Colon Cancer and decided not to go with his oncologists treatment plan. Today, nearly 10 years later, he is completely cancer free and speaks, coaches and encourages others to pursue healing.  I love the fact that he is unashamedly a follower of Jesus Christ.

I also encourage everyone who does not have a cancer diagnosis to watch this 4 minute video in advance.  You need to know all the options before you ever hear the dreaded words.  If you follow the same health plan outlined by Chris, you need never hear them!

 

Overcoming Evil With Good

shattered glassMy friend shared a very powerful story that more people need to hear.  We’ve all faced situations where we feel unjustly attacked, or that the reaction we receive is totally over the top.  These attacks can cause a physical stress response in our body and leave us reeling for days!  We feel shattered.  Have you ever felt assaulted by words? Like you’ve been punched in the stomach?  Read about Kristin’s experience and how she responded.  Just a beautiful story!  These are her words, which she has given me permission to share:

Today, a simple trip to the “financial vortex” we like to call Target, ended up being an experience that God would use in my and my son’s life for quite some time. It is NOT a story about me. It is a story about the God that I serve and His infinite ability to make beauty from ashes.

As Luke and I turned off of North Point Parkway and into the strip mall that boasts the big red ball of happy, I noticed that there was a terribly obnoxious amount of traffic. I felt rather sorry for the cars that were trying to exit, (they had a yield sign to us) and so I (not noticing the “keep moving” sign) stopped to let a car squeak by. It was at this point I heard the BLAST of a horn – and when I say blast, I mean it sounded as if the driver had climbed out of his seat and was sitting on his steering wheel. And he didn’t let up. He followed me into the Target parking lot, and followed my minivan until I turned into a parking space. It was at that point that I realized we were going to have to exchange words… because he had intentionally stopped his car right behind mine so that I could not get out. Gulp.

I took a deep breath, I knew I was not dealing with a rational, good spirited person. Nope, this was an angry middle aged horn happy man who was severely enraged by my choice to let a car through traffic. Dear Lord.

FlamesMy feet had not even hit the pavement before a barrage of arrows came flying from his mouth. This man, I did not know, was screaming at me in the Target parking lot. I watched his mouth moving, his forehead squinched, his cheeks bright red with anger. I heard the words. “Idiot” “You should learn how to drive” “can’t you read?” “It’s people like you who cause accidents.” I stood in disbelief. Was this happening? All I could think was “Why is he so angry?” So, that’s what I asked him In the gentlest tone I possess. “Sir, why are you so angry?” He was so taken aback by my response that he stumbled over the next few words, scoffed a little, and then carried on with more arrows. Ugly arrows. Flaming arrows. Hurtful, sharp and wicked arrows… and then… he was gone.

Luke and I stood in the parking lot hand in hand with our mouths gapping, our hearts pounding, and our spirits completely stomped on. We had just been harassed by a perfect stranger, for being kind to another stranger. (And I admit that technically I had made a traffic mistake, but I am fairly certain that my abuser has made at least one of those in his life time? Just a guess.)

After I collected myself, (and sucked any tears that threatened to fall out – back into my eyeballs) I leaned down and looked into my son’s eyes. “Son, I am really sorry that that happened. You know that we NEVER – no matter how mad we are – we NEVER treat another person like he just treated Mommy, right?” “Yes ma’am” “And son, the Bible says to love our enemies and so I think we really need to pray for that man.” “I do too mommy.” “Alright, I love you so much” “I love you too momma.” “You ok?” “Yup”

And although I had resolved it with my son, I could not quite resolve it with myself. As we got our items from inside the store, a trail of “poor me” thoughts like “How could a person who does not know me or who I am, attack me like that? I’m like the nicest person ever, that wasn’t fair, my saturday is ruined, that was so mean, I’m so sad, tears… uh oh, tears… here they come..” And I burst into pitiful self pitying tears, right there in the happiest store on earth. I was letting that man crush my spirit. I was swimming in the ugliness that he had thrown on me and I was so close to MISSING the beauty that God was, in that very moment, effortlessly replacing it with.

As we walked to the car, I believe God spoke to me. “That man put something ugly into the world, now GO and put something beautiful in its place. I am God – and I turn ashes to beauty, evil to good, hurt to healing… Go and be my light. Go and bless someone.”

So friends, here’s where it gets GOOD. Luke and I prayed right there in the car. Where do we go? What do we do? Who do we bless? I felt the urge to drive across town to the Kroger near my house and so I took that as part of our answer. We prayed on the drive over that HE would lead us, show us who to bless and how to do it. I suspected we would be paying for someones groceries and so I immediately started to plan “Operation Bless A Stranger” Actually, it was more like “Operation bless a stranger who looks sad or down trodden with just a grocery basket, not a whole cart cause we can’t afford it if they’re not in the ten items or less lane.”

God had something else in mind.

After grabbing a very schizophrenic assortment of unnecessary items that I absolutely did not need, we neared the check outs. I started to question what I had heard. I felt nervous and embarrassed. What if this didn’t go down well. Who is it Lord? What if I…

And there she was.

A nicely dressed 50 something. Well put together, a typical southern lady, with a very substantial amount of groceries. Really Lord? She does not look like she needs me to buy her groceries…ALL millions of them. But I knew. The holy spirit was pushing my heart toward this woman, this perfect stranger.

I watched the grocery bill climb higher and higher, a bead of sweat flew off of my forehead, I felt a little nauseous. It was now or never. Her last item had crossed the finish. It was time to pay. “Ma’am?” I said. “My son and I would like to pay for your groceries.” She looked at me like I had just said “My son and I would like to eat your groceries.” Adamant, she replied. “No. You can not buy my groceries, there are way too many here. Someone did this for my mother. No, I can’t let you buy my groceries.” To which I replied “Ma’am, my son and I had a horrible experience today, and we prayed a lot about this, and you, and well, we’re going to buy your groceries.” At this point the woman realized that I was going to buy her groceries. There was no talking me out of it. She grabbed me. She literally wrapped her arms around me and began to sob. I sobbed too. Then she pulled away from me and looked me in my eyes and said this: “My husband is terminally ill, you just, you just have no idea… thank you.” And off she went, pushing her millions of groceries that God had just paid for, out the door.

Faith surrenderAt this point everyone was crying. The people in line behind us, the checkout girl, the tough guy one isle over “had something in his eye”… (he totally cried). The check out girl looked down at Luke and said “you have a great mom” to which I say this: This is not about me. This is about the God that I serve. This was FOR me from Him. He turns ashes to beauty, evil to good, hurt to healing, pain to laughter, and traffic violations to stories of His immense love – from one perfect stranger to another.

So my challenge? When someone is terribly unkind to you, GO do something for someone else. He has given us the power to replace the bad with something good.

My God is an awesome God. That is all.

[ME}: Hey Kristin I’d love to share your story. It is so profound and illustrates some practical steps for healing and forgiveness. I can share with or without your name – whichever you prefer. Also, I was wondering if after the big hug by the lady and all the tears, if you felt an emotional cleansing? It is amazing how an assault of words can actually have a physical impact on our body – almost as if we had been physically punched all over. I think your Holy Spirit guided response was absolutely beautiful and must have brought such healing and a sense of physical peace.
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  • Kristin Birkeli Grunewald Becky Hastings, you absolutely may share it with whomever you’d like! And YES re the emotional cleansing. I absolutely did feel that way! And HE knew I would. I’m feeling so incredibly blessed to be the daughter of a king, who cares so greatly for his children!

    Share away! Start a movement! #killitwithkindness!

     

My Journey so Far

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I grew up in the USA, but after meeting my husband John in South Africa, we spent 30 years raising our five children there, living in a few different locations, but finally making our home in Cape Town in 2001. We loved serving God and others at Southpoint Church and were blessed in so many different ways. In May 2013 we disentangled ourselves from most of our earthly possessions in Cape Town, South Africa to find ourselves with our three suitcases each, in Warner Robins, Georgia, to begin a brand new season of life where John is serving as Lead Pastor of Longleaf Church, Rachel is excelling at Middle Georgia State College and Leah is enjoying her first school experience two days a week with a hybrid homeschooling program called Veritas Classical Education. We were happy to be close enough to connect more frequently with our three adult sons, two daughters-in-love and three grandchildren – two we’d never met!

It is always difficult and traumatic to move, and moving cross-continentally from a place we loved, full of people we loved, has had the expected challenges.  We have learned to play a game I invented called, “It’s good because _______” where everyone takes a turn to fill in the blank.

DSC_0217Sometimes God needs to disentangle us from some things so that He can make us available for MORE.  We continue to look for all the MORE He has for us and especially how we can be MORE effective in sharing the love of Christ with others.

For most of my adult life I have been wondering what I was going to do “when I grow up.” Raising five children and homeschooling them has been my focus for many years.This move has caused me to begin seriously thinking about useful ways of using the next phase of life.  With only two children remaining at home (Rachel, 20 and Leah, 13), I have more discretionary time than ever before.

In examining my strengths and potential opportunities with many wise people, I was introduced to the field of Life Coaching and have completed my first course towards becoming a Certified Professional Life Coach.  I am enjoying all aspects of this endeavor: the learning, the peer coaching, and coaching actual clients.  I am realizing that I have been doing coaching for many years in a variety of capacities and I love the privilege of working with clients to discover and achieve their goals.

I am looking forward to continuing my training and personal development through taking more classes while at the same time offering my services at a reduced rate to clients who are ready to make some thoughtful changes in different areas of their lives.  I am currently coaching moms with children at home who want to improve family relationships; seasoned executives who want to make wise choices about nutrition and lifestyle so they can enjoy long life AND vitality; and business owners who just want to be better at everything.  I continue to pursue my passion for health and wellness through on-line conferences and education and love helping others find practical economical ways to improve their health and enjoyment of life!

‘Ready, Fire, Aim’ is an approach to life that resonates well with me.  I do like to get ready, but I like to get into motion and refine as I go.  God has been getting me ready for coaching through:

  • 34 years as a Christ follower, learning lessons daily;

  • 34 years of progressive awareness of health and nutrition all built upon a Nutritional Chemistry Course taken at Vanderbilt University;

  • 33 years married to John with all the learning and adapting marriage requires;

  • 31 years of mothering five children through all their different developmental learning stages;

  • 20+ years passionately coaching young moms towards mothering through breastfeeding with the incredible support of La Leche League South Africa;

  • 17 years of homeschooling five different personalities and learning styles;

  • 15 years of facilitating Communication workshops for small groups;

  • 13 years as a Pastor’s wife;

  • 6 years as a member of an amazing staff team at Southpoint Church seeking to create environments so people could come to know and love Jesus as we do!

DSC_0260So, as I look back I see that God has been preparing me and getting me ready for this phase of my life.  I look ahead with anticipation to how He might use me to help others.

I imagine taking all that experience and using it to help and bless others in 2014 and beyond…

  • Help people learn healthier living options through my blog;

  • Help people navigate their life choices through personal one on one coaching via Skype or telephone;

  • Help groups of people realize their personal goals – whether in terms of nutrition, exercise, organization, relationships, communication etc. through group coaching interaction;

  • Help people by giving motivational/inspirational talks;

  • Help teams (especially church or non-profit staffs) with team building, communication and development.

I am completely open to any doors that God will guide me to, but these are some of the things that He has given me a burden for.

So I would value your prayers as I begin this new phase of life and I would also appreciate any referrals you may have if you or someone you know resonates with the type of help I am offering.

I was caught by surprise when Mark Sisson (Mark’s Daily Apple) shared his BHAG (Big Hairy Audacious Goal) in his first email of 2014:  “Greetings, as many of you know, it’s my life goal to help 10 million people get healthy.”

Wow!  My first thought was ‘I wonder how many people I can help?’  If I can help 10 thousand I think I will be accomplishing a lot!  But I pray I may be available to truly help as many people as God sends my way!  I praise Jesus Christ for all He has done for me and hope I can be a channel to share His blessing with others!Head Shot B

Thanks for your prayers, help and support! Use the contact form below me if I can help you in any way.

Becky Hastings

PS: You might enjoy my latest updated recipe for Raw Chocolate.  It is so easy anyone can make it and so delicious you’ll want to have some every day!!

 

An Answer for the Vaccine Question

kids shoesA friend asked, and I thought you all might also like the answer.

I was talking to my older brother, who is a strong Christian and father of three children, about vaccines and he said that there could be a very small risk of vaccine damage, but most children are fine, so it is probably a good idea to just go along with the government recommendations.

What would you have said to him?

I would say:

Based on the research of Dr Andrew Moulden, and many others, there is damage to every single receiver of a vaccine – it just isn’t always immediately apparent. Every vaccine initiates a stroke-like response in the brain of the one receiving it. Moulden described it as mass ischemia. Some of us see no evidence and experience no immediate problem. The damage may show up later in auto-immune challenges, diabetes, other health challenges, Alzheimer’s or Dimentia. The injury may result in slight brain damage – I know I want all my brain cells to work at their highest level. I have read that some research indicates that children receiving vaccines have IQs 5-10 points lower than those not receiving them. Teens and adults getting vaccines have also reported serious brain fogginess, memory loss, and some times much more severe reactions.

The combined impact of getting all the vaccines recommended has NEVER been scientifically tested. So, again, all the above mentioned health challenges showing up later in life can be connected to the combined vaccinations. We have a lot of toxic exposure in our industrialized world and it makes sense to limit unnecessary exposure of toxins in the vaccines, such as mercury, aluminum, formaldehyde, and more.

I also don’t believe the science supports the effectiveness of vaccines, i.e.. I don’t believe vaccines do what they are proclaimed to do. Most cases today of measles and WC, for instance, occur in those who have received vaccines. They are now seeing cases of NPFP (Non Polio Flacid Paralysis) in kids in California (I think it is up to about 30, there are also thousands of cases in India after the recent polio vaccination drive there). NPFP is just like polio, but because the kids were vaccinated they don’t want to call it polio, or maybe they don’t actually have the same blood results – but the physical paralysis is the same. Polio outbreaks have always been associated with pesticides, When DDT use was banned the polio rates went down. Yes, there is a polio virus. But it has always been around and can still be found. Polio only causes problems when connected to the toxic ingredients in pesticides and herbicides. In fact, the mercury, aluminum and other toxic ingredients in vaccines may be making kids MORE susceptible to the very illnesses they are supposed to resolve.

And finally, as a Christian I believe God created our body with what we need. Yes, there is sin and sickness, but I don’t think God left us at the mercy of ‘vaccinologists’ for our ‘cure.’ When I first learned about the powerful immunological protection offered by breastfeeding it led me to question the practice of injecting exclusively breastfed babies in such an unnatural means – via a needle into the muscle to end up in the blood stream – with a cocktail of serious ingredients many of which are toxic. I do not have enough faith in human men who stand to profit from my choice to give me confidence in this practice. I am not alone.  Our immune system is incredible and new information is coming to light which makes many question traditional vaccine ‘science.’

Since when has God called us to be like the majority? I did a little too much of following the majority during my teens. That has led me to question EVERYTHING! I thank Jesus for saving me from the majority life!

Of course, I would never say all of that in response to one question! But f I had the opportunity and my audience was open to listening, I would GENTLY try to share along these lines.  Because people need to know.  They need to think and thoroughly research before they submit their precious children to this dangerous medical practice.

More thoughts from a mother and grandmother especially for my children

IMG_0423Author: Becky Hastings, wife, mother, grandmother, passionate follower of Jesus Christ and truth seeker, especially in the areas of health and children. Facing a world quite different from the one in which I grew up, I seek to research and understand the true route to health, freedom and joyful family living!

 

More blogs by the same author:

30 Ways in 30 Days to Explore Vaccines.

To my dear friend – it’s about Jesus

Don’t let past hurt, or disappointment with anything associated with Christians prevent you from investigating Jesus for yourself.

attitudeYou have your reasons. You are not unaware of the back-story about Jesus’ life, death, etc. You’ve heard it. You have either rejected it or you just don’t care. I understand – maybe not everything – but a little, because I was once there. I was once contentedly living my life with no regard to Jesus. I will admit that it was fun for a while, but it did not lead me to a good place, but that story is for another time.  For now, I want to explore some reasons you might want to take more interest in Jesus’ life – even if it doesn’t seem relevant. Or to put it more crassly, there might be some benefits that you are missing.  I know I hate it when I find out about something great that I could have had, but I missed out on, just because no one shared the news with me.

First, unlike any other religious leader or very significant person most people would admire who has ever lived, Jesus made some remarkable claims about himself. His followers also made fantastic claims about who he was – and they lived in close proximity to him for three years at least. One of the most remarkable views on Jesus Christ was by James, known as the brother of Jesus (not to be confused with James, the disciple and brother of John). James starts the letter he wrote to encourage new followers of Jesus and introduces himself as “a slave of God and of the Lord Jesus Christ.” Now I don’t know about you, but there is no ways I’d ever refer to myself as a slave to any of my three brothers! Jesus claimed he was God and his followers backed up his claim – even someone who knew him as well as a sibling can know a person.

Actually, that’s the ultimate reason for his death at the hands of the religious leaders of his day – he committed blasphemy in their eyes by claiming to be God’s Son, or God himself.

So Jesus claimed to be God, claimed he was intimately connected with God the Father, and all who had interaction with him attest to his perfection – even his enemies admitted they couldn’t find anything he’d done wrong. Unlike popular personalities who have always existed throughout the world, no one could make any claim against Jesus or find fault with any of his actions. That is pretty amazing. Many around the world admire Nelson Mandela, Gandhi, Margaret Thatcher, other political figures – but no one claims that they are perfect. Everyone is well aware that they are human and sometimes their mistakes are obvious.

books_of_bibleThe complete story of Jesus, as well as some fascinating ancient prophecies predicting his life, death and a lot more is found in the Bible.  Most people have heard a lot about the Bible, but many, if not most, haven’t actually explored it for themselves. The Bible is not a book; it was not written by a single author, and it was not intended to be read from the beginning through to the end, as you would with most books.

The Bible is more like a library of 66 different ancient texts, written over a period of roughly 2,000 years by 40 different authors from three continents, written in three different languages, and yet the harmony of the message is amazing. Many people have found that daily reading a portion of the Bible, and working consistently through it brings something to their lives that they have a hard time explaining.  I’d suggest starting with the books that describe Jesus’ life, known by their author’s names: Matthew, Mark, Luke and John.

NT in pocket

Structure of the Bible

The Bible is arranged into two broad “collections” known as the Old Testament and the New Testament.  The Old Testament is a collection of 39 books which can also be divided into different genres of writing: The Law, Historical narrative, Poetry, and Prophets. The 27 books that make up the New Testament include four ancient accounts of the life of Jesus (the Gospels), one book detailing the early history of events after Jesus’ death (Acts), one poetic prophecy book (Revelation) and a collection of letters (Epistles) of instruction and encouragement to the early followers of Jesus by prominent leaders. For someone to loosely say “well it says in the Bible….” does not really add a lot of weight to the point they are trying to make.  Each part of the Bible must be understood by when it was written, for which audience and the purpose of the communication. You don’t need to understand everything about the Bible in order to begin reading it. AND you don’t even have to believe it is 100% accurate – many of the things we read on a daily basis we don’t trust!

As you read, the Bible, it will become clear that there are very different types of writing. I encourage you to start! The Bible continues to be one of the best-selling books of all time, and is very interesting ancient reading. There are many modern English translations of the Bible available with added notes to give you some background information on the author and purpose of the different books.

painMany people have shared with me details of how they have been hurt by a specific church, a religious institution, or a person who was known by the term ‘Christian.’  The hurt they feel has made them strongly adverse to having anything to do with church, the Bible or in many cases, God.  I’m not minimizing the pain that has been caused and the deep hurt many continue to feel.  Jesus himself had a great problem with the religious leaders of his day.  In fact, he reserved some of his harshest criticism for those in places of authority.  Getting to know Jesus is not about going to church or learning to fall in line with a bunch of rules imposed on you.  It is not handing over control of your life to a group called a church that thinks they can make all your life decisions for you.  Don’t let a bad past experience prevent you from getting the true facts.  Try to push through your past pain and get to know Jesus himself: who he claimed to be and the promises he made to his followers.

giving handsMany people don’t feel a need to seek God or investigate exactly what he had in mind with his plan of sending Jesus.  They are bored with the Christmas story, or the Easter story and have a lot more important things going on in their life than attending church with a bunch of hypocrites.

People sometimes see those who want to talk about Jesus all the time as weak or lacking backbone because they can never just decide anything for themselves, but always pull out the God card or the prayer card.  They feel people should be free to make decisions and implement their own values in their lives without having to fall back on this ‘dependent on God’ mode. I share some of this frustration and agree that Christians aren’t always the best advertisement for what becoming a follower of Jesus might look like.

However, most people will admit that they can’t actually live up to the basic standards they set for themselves. They make decisions on the values they hold dearly, yet they find they cannot live them out. They make positive decisions but aren’t able to implement them, even though these positive changes are what they want and what they have decided to do, they lack the ability to fully pull them off.  They miss the mark they set for themselves.  This is a human condition.  You don’t find animals contemplating the fact that they need to be a better parent, or cut calories, yet our world abounds with groups to help you achieve you goals whether it is to become a more peaceful parent, to stop smoking, drinking or drugs, become a better public speaker, or reduce anxiety and stress in your life.

Rainbow mountainSince we can’t even live up to our own good desires for ourselves, maybe it wouldn’t hurt to check out some of the things Jesus said, “I have come so that you might have life and life more abundantly!” John 10:10.

I’d like to give you a challenge: I dare you to spend 10 minutes a day for 30 days reading the Bible.  I encourage you to share the results of your experiment. You don’t even need to buy a book. The Bible is freely available on-line. Are you ready to take the 30 day Bible reading challenge?  What might prevent you from exploring Jesus?

Happy Grandparents June 13Author: Becky Hastings, wife, mother, grandmother, passionate follower of Jesus Christ and truth seeker, especially in the areas of health and children. Facing a world quite different from the one in which I grew up, I seek to research and understand the true route to health, freedom and joyful family living!

 

 

An Invitation to Group Coaching

Would you, or someone you know like to …Snow Collage Cropped

  • Feel more energetic?
  • Sleep better and wake up refreshed?
  • Restore or maintain youthful vitality as you grow older?
  • Navigate the maze of health information with confidence?

We all know some things we could do better to improve our health or lifestyle.  What keeps us from doing the things we know are good for us?

Do you desire motivation and support so that you can gain momentum and get over those initial hurdles towards a healthier you?

You are invited to join a JumpStart Mastermind for Health Group. Be part of the top 5% of the population that owns their own health.  Receive information, inspiration and encouragement on your personal health journey.  Find the health you desire one baby step at a time.

You will:

  • Connect virtually with a small group of individuals who are contemplating making significant health changes for the better!
  • JumpStart your health journey with a minimum three-month commitment.
  • Participate in one 90 minute group coaching call per month
  • Receive one 50 minute individual coaching session per month.
  • Connect with your JumpStart Mastermind for Health Group privately on Facebook.

Special introductory rate:  $75 per month.  There are a limited number of places available either in the morning or evening.

Mastermind groups provide the ideal environment to make small sustainable life changes.  Each participant is committed to their own positive progress and will cheer for every step you take on your journey.  Together we are stronger and can accomplish what we never thought possible.

This JumpStart Mastermind for Health Group will be coached by Becky Hastings.  Becky has been coaching similar groups for over 20 years and is passionate about effectively helping you achieve your own goals.

Head ShotIf you need more information before deciding if the JumpStart Mastermind for Health Group is
for you, feel free to  email beckyspd@gmail.com or phone 470 774 0285. Please schedule your 30 minute free inquiry call so you can fully explore how this might work for you.I look forward to hearing from you and helping you achieve your health goals!
Becky

Confessions of an Imperfect Parent

Let's be friends

I have a vivid memory of an intense serious discussion my husband and I had with our oldest son when he was 20.  He was at a stage of life where he didn’t really know what his future held or what he should be pursuing.  He was not feeling confident.

I don’t remember the entire conversation, it lasted a long time and there was a lot of raw sharing and tears all around.

There were some things he raised about his childhood that caused him pain in remembering.  There was the realization that we had not done a perfect job in raising this son.  We had made mistakes.  Some of our mistakes had left scars in his heart that he was still struggling with.  It was not an easy conversation.  Acknowledging our parenting mistakes was hard, but it was even harder trying to figure out ‘what do we do now?’  How can we help this son heal from the pain we inadvertently caused him?  How can we help him through this state of insecurity and move with confidence to the future God has for him?

Most of the discussion was between my husband and son and I distinctly remember having the thought “I’m like the Counselor in this situation, but I HAVE NO IDEA what is needed or what would be helpful for them right now.”  I usually think I have all the answers to most relational issues!! But I was completely stumped and remember telling them so.

I think we all prayed together, apologized and agreed that we did not know the way forward.

As parents of young children we do our very best to meet their needs and balance life.  But it is quite a learning curve and we can’t always predict exactly how our decisions will impact the heart of our child.  Hearing about some scars on my son’s heart based on the life choices we had made was very hard, but allowing him the space to speak about it was an important step towards his healing and growing.

He went on to find a field of study he really enjoyed.  He moved a continent away and got a lot of great work experience – some of it through some pretty difficult situations.  He dug in, faced the difficulties and grew.  God brought him an amazing woman to be his wife.  He started his own business and has seen it grow as he contracts many men older than himself to work for him.

So what is my point?  As parents we will make mistakes!  It is a given.  However, we can have confidence that God’s grace can bring blessing despite our mistakes.  Coming to grips with our mistakes is a process.  We can start by confessing to our children when we know we have made a mistake.  We can listen when they want to explain their view on their life – listen and not try to defend ourselves.  We can pray and seek wisdom and grace to build, grow and repair once we have become aware of pain we might have inadvertently caused our children.  We need to fully receive the forgiveness offered in Jesus Christ and not beat ourselves up for our mistakes. All of it is worth it.  Building a long lasting friendship with our adult children is one of the most worthwhile things we can do!

What have your learned about forgiving yourself on your parenting journey?

Self-Talk

Talk bubblesWhether we are conscious of it or not, we all use self-talk.  Sometimes we use it positively when facing fears or trying to increase our motivation.  But many times we are our own worst enemy and sabotage our best efforts through our self-talk.  This is an exercise that will help you to analyze your thoughts, your life and where your self-talk could be taking you.

What is your current self-talk?  You might not even be aware of it.  The thoughts or feelings (that don’t always make themselves into comprehensible words or sentences) you experience in your mind are powerful and you need to pay attention.  If you are stuck, if you are not making the kind of progress you desire, if you are not currently feeling the energy and joy you would like in your life, I suggest an exercise to pay more attention to your self-talk.  Over the next 10-30 days begin to note some of the things you say to yourself, or try to articulate some of the feelings you are experiencing.  Things like…

  • This pain is killing me.
  • The only thing that helps this pain is taking NSAIDs.
  • I’ve messed up.
  • It’s too late.
  • I can’t change.
  • This relationship can’t be fixed.
  • I’m so stuck.
  • I’m beyond redemption.
  • I catch every bug around.
  • My child is just clumsy.  (Not self-talk, but damaging ‘parent-talk’  whether it is stated or  just thought.)

Once you determine some of the tapes that are regularly playing in your brain and sometimes that slip out in conversation, write them down.

Now take each statement and ask yourself:

  1. Is this true?  Or is it a misinterpretation?  Define more exactly your situation.  Is this an actual fact?
  2. What do you become by believing this information?  How does it make you feel? How does it impact your experience of life?
  3. Realize that you are programming this thought into your brain.  What would life be like if this thought didn’t exist?
  4. Replace your old self-talk/thought with a newly framed look at your situation.

Old thought

New thought

This pain is killing me. My body is regenerating.
I’m never gonna get better. I get better everyday.
I don’t have any friends. I attract love and deep friendship.
This relationship is hopeless. This pain is part of my healing process.
This is a hopeless situation. God is at work in this situation.

This process will change your feelings.  You need to dial into a new brain channel.

Awareness of self-talk and deliberately challenging our automatic response is the first step towards changing in a very significant way.  Begin your conscious exploration of self-talk today.  Make a commitment to yourself to be more encouraging.  Look for information and ideas that help you see your life with all its potential.

What is the best new phrase you would like to repeat daily to yourself?

Bias

BibleWe all have bias; Some acknowledge their bias; some don’t; some choose to stay completely unaware; some are deceived; but we all have bias.

My personal bias is that Jesus Christ transformed my life. He is now the foundation I seek to build my life on. His word, given to us through the library we know as the Bible, is my foundation, my source, my filter.

There are many groups and individuals who claim something similar. I believe God has a plan and can transform anyone willing to rethink their life, turn to God, and gain a whole new life.  It is a process, so if you try to judge us, or any follower of Jesus Christ, you will still see flaws. I am not perfect. But God is guiding me daily.  He is transforming my thinking as I prioritize reading His word. He’s giving me a whole new life.

I love using a modified version of Prof Horner’s Bible Reading System that takes me through 10 different chapters from many different sections of this library. Jesus himself taught His followers the value of seeking God through the ancient Scriptures:

        How blessed are those who hear God’s voice
        And make God’s message their way of life. Jesus, Luke 11:28

For those of you who are new to some of these concepts, like the fact that you can have a personal relationship with God through Jesus, and that reading the Bible can provide a foundation for making all of life’s decisions, I can imagine two possible responses:

  1. Intrigue.  You want to learn more or want to experience this blessing personally.
  2. Scoff or dismiss. I can understand, but I would urge you to reconsider. Take some time to allow God to reveal Himself to you. What have you got to loose by opening a window to God?

I hope to write more about the energy and vitality I have gained through reading God’s Word and the special blessing I have received through using the 10 List System.

That is my bias. Are you aware of yours?

Have you tried reading the Bible for yourself?  Are you thinking of starting off 2014 with a new zeal for seeking God’s answers for your life?

Hopes for 2014 (or New Year’s Resolutions)

open bookI like a fresh start.  A new year.  A blank slate.  Some people choose one word.  I needed three words this year…

Prioritizing the one thing Jesus said was most important.

Jesus:  People, PEOPLE, you are so anxious and concerned about a million details.

But REALLY, only one thing matters.

Mary chose the one thing: sitting at Jesus’ feet, listening to Him. Luke 10

ReflectingPracticing giving glory to God through Jesus for anything good in my life or thoughts.

Herod accepted the praise of the people and died.  If there is anything good about me, if there is anything true to find in my life, it is due to God’s powerful work of transformation.  I want to have an automatic response to praise Jesus appropriately at every opportunity. Acts 12

Contexting: Keeping God’s purposes and power up front and center when viewing the current events of the world. We know who the final conqueror will be!

The Lamb will be victorious over them
Because He is Lord over all Lords and
The King over all kings;
And those that stand with Him are called, elect and faithful. Rev 17

What are your hopes for the year 2014?