Category Archives: Coach

Ten Lists

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BibleI was introduced to a Bible reading method called Professor Grant Horner’s Bible Reading System in 2008. It is often referred to as Ten Lists. I continue to be blessed through this exposure to God’s word on most days.

The basic concept is books_of_biblethat the whole Bible is a library and the 66 different books are allotted to different lists. Every day you read one chapter from each of the 10 Lists. I have only slightly modified Prof Horner’s lists. It might seem complicated at first, but stick with me! I’m really trying to make it easy for you!

10 Lists for blog

There is a pdf version of the lists below so you can print out your own bookmarks to use in your Bible.

This is how I use these lists:

  • On my best days I will read one chapter from each of these 10 Lists.
  • On other days I might only finish 7 chapters, or 5.
  • Some days I only manage 1 chapter.
  • No matter what reading I’ve completed on the day before, I start again the next day with List 1 and work through as far as I can.
  • Every day’s reading is completely different, no matter how long you continue.

Prof Horner Challenge verticalThis method prioritizes spending time reading through the life of Jesus from four different author’s perspectives (the Gospels) and visiting the history of the early followers of Jesus (Acts) very frequently. There are so many benefits from regularly exposing yourself to such a variety of God’s ancient manuscripts, but don’t take my word for it, I challenge you to do your own 30 day challenge. Read one chapter from each list every day for 30 days and look for the difference it can make.

Here are some guidelines encouraged by Prof Horner:

Try to complete the reading in one sitting (at most two). At the end of one book (i.e. Matthew), go to the next book (i.e. Mark). At the end of the list (for List 1 it would be John), go back to the first book on the list (i.e. Matthew).

Read fairly quickly in order to get the overall sense. There are different kinds of reading: super-quick skimming, careful moderate-paced, studying the text, deep meditation. You should aim for between the first and second kind. Shoot for 5-6 minutes per chapter. At the end of a chapter, move immediately to the next list.

GET THROUGH THE TEXT – no dawdling, back reading, looking up cross-references! [Contrary to Pro Horner’s recommendation, I confess, I sometimes take notes in my journal and find amazing connections in the passages!]

Most people find that they decrease their time spent reading and increase their retention after just two to three weeks of following the program.

Don’t look up anything you ‘don’t get’ – real understanding will come through contextualizing by reading a LOT of Scripture over time. Get through the text!

If you miss a day or two – it is ok! Get over it, then keep going. Just start at where you left the bookmarks.

If you are wondering why you should read Acts (or Proverbs) all the way through every single month, then – you’ve just shown that you NEED to read them that often!

The goal of this system is simple and twofold: To know Scripture, and to love and obey God more!

In order to become proficient in any subject, we need repeated exposure over time. This system will enable you to become confident in knowing, understanding and sharing God’s word. Jesus said:

Those seeds sown into good soil are people who hear the word, accept it, meditate on it, act on it, and bear fruit – a crop 30, 60, or 100 times larger than the farmer dropped to earth. Mark 4:20

So consider carefully the things you’re hearing. If you put it so use, you’ll be given more to wrestle with – much more! Those who have listened will receive more, but those who don’t hear will forget even the little they’ve failed to understand. 4:24-25

What else is more important than allowing your heart to be the field where God can work, as you expose yourself daily to a feast of His Word?

Here is what the kingdom of God is like: a man who throws seeds onto the earth. Day and night, as he works and as he sleeps, the seeds sprout and climb out into the light, even though he doesn’t understand how it works. It’s as though the soil itself produced the grain somehow – from a sprouted stalk to ripened fruit. But however it happens, when he sees that the grain has grown and ripened, he gets his sickle and begins to cut it because the harvest has come! Mark 4:26-29

ChallengeHere is a copy of the bookmarks I use. I usually print and laminate them. They make great gifts.

10 Lists US Letter

Are you ready to take the 30 day challenge? I’d love to hear about your adventure in reading God’s word and any modifications you make to this Bible Reading Plan. Please let me know in the comments below.

Author: Becky Hastings, wife, mother, grandmother, passionate about Jesus, health and truth.

Anger Part 2

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Hey!Anger is a difficult emotion to understand, witness or experience. We see the devastating results of unleashed anger all around us (war, family feuds, road rage, etc.).

Anger gets our adrenaline going and we get all worked up, but we might not even understand why. We are churning inside and feel the need to do something. The easiest thing we often do, is strike out at those in our immediate environment. For instance, we might get disturbing news and suddenly become all snarly with the people around us. A young child whose toy gets snatched out of his hand by a playmate, might retaliate with physical aggression. Watching children over many years, it is easy to see that this type of response is gut level and automatic.

If we want to have a different response, or if we want our children to have a different response, it will require understanding and training.

It is important to note that anger is most often a secondary response. That means that if we stop and investigate, there is a feeling lying underneath our gut response of anger. It often involves a feeling of hurt, loss or injustice.

Sometimes there is a clear source of our anger. For instance, if someone criticizes us, laughs at us, or tries to bully or abuse us, we can easily understand why we feel anger.

Other times the actions provoking anger may be more subtle. When someone makes a statement that disregards important points I’ve made, or values I hold, I can feel hurt, insulted, or invalidated and then I get angry. When someone spills something on my freshly mopped kitchen floor, I feel disregarded and taken for granted. I don’t feel the work I have done is being respected and I can easily get angry.

Exploring the underlying causes of our angry feelings is a very helpful step towards working towards a more mature response to anger.

Sometimes, as parents, we witness a young child’s anger, and it causes us embarrassment. Anger in children is so basic, and can be loud and poorly expressed. To save ourselves from the critical opinions of others, we can try to shut down this immature expression of anger – immediately. While this may save us momentary embarrassment, training our children to ignore their feelings and shut off their anger is not helping them to understand their emotions and learn to control their actions. And, as I mentioned here it can lead to serious health consequences for them later.

Finding other parents who understand the process of growing emotionally mature children is a great help on the parenting journey. If every parent around you shuts down their child’s anger, you can be regarded as a very poor example of a parent, when your child flies into a raging tantrum.

Showing respect for our children’s emotions does not mean pandering to them and allowing our children to always get whatever they want. It does mean allowing them to feel strongly and help them to understand where those strong feelings might be coming from.

AngerAn interesting and complicating factor is that angry children have a way of pushing our parenting buttons in just the right way to cause us to have a deep angry response. We need to stop and ask ‘what is that about?’ Does an angry outburst by your child feel like personal rejection to you, especially in light of all the great sacrifices you have made on behalf of the child – like sleep deprivation and hours of selfless toil? Do you feel like all the investment you have put into your child should result in a perfectly cooperative little person who shows you respect 100% of the time?

Sometimes we need to stop and work on our own issues so that we can grow in our own maturity in dealing with anger. Some of us might have been trained to stuff our anger which makes it very difficult to understand our raging emotions. Growing in our own understanding will help us to be much better at guiding our children in handling their strong feelings.

I have learned most of this the hard way, through the grace of Jesus Christ. These are not easy things to learn or recognize in ourselves, which is one of the many reasons I seek the power of God practically applied in every area of my life.

My web-site stats show a lot of people read Anger Part 1. I’m glad this information is being shared and found to be helpful. I’d love to hear your stories and dialogue about this important topic. Feel encouraged to leave your comments below. If for some reason the comment feature doesn’t work for you, please post or send me a private message on Facebook! I’d love to hear from you.

IMG_0423Becky Hastings, wife, mom to five, MIL of two, grandmother, passionate follower of Jesus, health promoter, breastfeeding counselor helping moms for 22+ years, and someone who seeks to understand interpersonal relationships!

Anger

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AngerEvery parent is challenged by anger. Many are totally surprised at their own capacity for anger towards the children they love more than life. Many are surprised by their child’s emerging anger when (not if) they begin to exert their personhood. The perfectly behaved one-year old seems angelic. Then one day, out of the blue, you see a glimpse of anger.  What is a parent to do?

I certainly don’t have all the answers.  For one thing I don’t know you or your child so I wouldn’t begin to give you advice or instructions.  Handling anger is not really as simple as one, two, three….

But we all need to spend some time thinking about anger. Whether we are being intentional or not, we are teaching our children about anger. Our primary method of teaching is how we model our own anger in front of them. What do we do when they do something that brings out anger in our hearts? How do we respond when life situations make us angry? Or what do we do when we face repeated frustration?

Some of us had great parents who modeled a healthy way of dealing with anger. Many of us were told that it was unacceptable to be angry and that when we felt anger, we were wrong. This approach to anger forced us to learn to ignore or stuff anger. Now as adults we may stuff, store, store, store, then BLOW! Have you ever experienced or witnessed a volcanic eruption of anger? Where did it come from it? Sometimes an angry response seems totally out of proportion with the provocation, giving a clue that there were many pent-up co-factors behind the eruption of anger.

ladderDr Ross Campbell has written many helpful parenting books. In How to Really Love Your Teen, he has a chapter in which he describes “The Anger Ladder.” This is a powerful illustration that gave me a lot of insight in parenting five children. Many parents I have shared it with over the years have found it beneficial.

Dr Campbell describes rungs of the Anger Ladder with the bottom rung being the lowest level of dealing with anger, and each successive step up the ladder represents growth. This visual picture helps you to understand that progress and  improvement in handling anger is possible. It also gives a clear guide and step by step goals to help our children (and often ourselves) reach maturity in handling anger.

1.  The absolute bottom rung of the ladder is stuffing.  Stuffing happens when anger is not acknowledged or dealt with, but it is stuffed internally. This method of dealing with anger comes at a great personal cost. The negative emotions we feel, but do not have the freedom to express, end up being turned on ourselves. Bottling up anger over many years can lead to serious illnesses, such as cancer, auto-immune disorders, depression, and other chronic conditions. It’s as if the body has to attack something when angry, so by forcing ourselves to stuff anger, we end up attacking ourselves.

2.  The next level is passive aggressive behavior. It is not always intentionally thought out, but if you know someone who deals with anger in this way, there always seem to be little things that happen which seem attacking – just not directly. A person who is operating with passive aggressive behavior is not always aware of their need and desire to “get back” at the person they are angry with in this subtle form. It can be a serious challenge to recognize and deal with this sort of learned behavior. Sometimes passive aggressive behavior is very difficult to spot in the mirror. It involves having an overall negative attitude or reaction to someone without addressing the specific issue that has provoked a negative reaction.

3. The next level of anger is undifferentiated physical abuse to anything and anyone nearby.  While this is not a great way to manifest anger, it is an improvement on step 1 or 2!  If this is where your toddler or child is at, don’t try to stifle it! That would be working backwards. Rather, try to help your child understand their rage and seek to move them UP the ladder, perhaps one rung at a time. Sometimes, as parents, we want them to jump right to the top rung with perfect control of themselves while addressing the issue that is bothering them.  How many adults do you know who manage anger that well? How often do you manage it? Lowering our expectations of our children will allow them to learn to deal with their anger in a more healthy way. It takes patience and wisdom.

4. Level four is characterized by a physical attack on the object of the anger. This is never good. But the good thing to recognize is that even this demonstrates improvement and growth in handling anger. Instead of just a general overall feeling of anger, the anger is being targeted towards its object. As a parent, sometimes we may need to physically restrain our children by holding them, as we help them understand their emotions and guide them towards higher levels of managing anger.

Dr Campbell goes on to describe various other manifestations and levels of anger. You might rank them differently from him, or from me. The point is there is a progression:

5. emotionally destructive behavior;
6. verbal abuse;
7. destroying property;
8. throwing objects;
9. expressing unrelated complaints;
10. becoming angry at someone else who is a bystander instead of at the source of the anger;
11. cursing;
12. unpleasant and loud behavior;
13. thinking logically and constructively;
14. holding to the primary complaint, not to peripheral issues;
15. focusing anger on the source only;
16. seeking resolution to the conflict while maintaining respectful behavior.

So, if you or your child is angry and expressing the anger with unpleasant and loud behavior (12), you can reassure yourself that they have actually progressed quite high on the anger ladder. Yes, there is room for improvement, but recognizing the progress towards maturity can provide freedom to develop that maturity.

Anger can be extremely awkward. Everyone exposed to anger can be impacted. Children exposed to parental anger at a young age can be emotionally bruised and suffer damage.

God gave us all of our emotions. Anger is a way we have of protecting ourselves. God can also use our anger to accomplish great works through us when it is directed and controlled by His Spirit.

Parenting gives us the opportunity to learn to grow in maturity in how we handle anger, so that we can provide an example of the process of being angry in front of our children. Modelling mature behavior is by far the most powerful teaching device we have available. Additionally, we have the opportunity to help our children recognise their own feelings of anger and frustration, help them identify and understand the source, and explore the response options available to them. Understanding this process and committing to it will ensure that our children can grow in maturity in their ability to handle this powerful emotion.

If you discover that you might have been stuck on rung 1 or 2 of the anger ladder, you might want to work at discovering the sources of your anger using a method like EFT. If you’ve been trying to get your child’s anger to ‘go away,’ you might actually be inadvertently encouraging them to stuff anger in a very unhealthy way. It can be scary to help our children come to terms with their anger, but the lack of obvious outward anger is not always good for them in the long-term. A perfectly controlled child does not always mean all is well. God has given us ALL our emotions. Tuning in to the source of anger can give us insight into the passions God has put in our heart.

What has been your biggest challenge in training your children to express anger appropriately?

Next post… Anger Part 2

IMG_0423Author: Becky Hastings, wife, mom to five, MIL of two, grandmother, passionate follower of Jesus, health promoter, breastfeeding counselor helping moms for 22+ years, and someone who seeks to understand interpersonal relationships!

Settling Disagreements

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Locking HornsLocking horns. It can happen often. Two strong personalities with strong ideas are bound to disagree. Add more strong personalities to the mix and it is a real tangle!

I am refreshed daily when I reflect on the ancient writings of Paul, an ardent follower of Jesus.  He had a simple message, a focussed life and wrote letters to encourage and instruct.  You might not be a follower of Jesus, but you can still receive timeless wisdom from this remarkable ancient writer.  He has a helpful recipe for settling disagreements that I have found incredibly helpful during 33 years of marriage and raising five children into adulthood.

  1. Realize selfishness and pride could be operating in you.  Examine yourself thoroughly.  Most of us would prefer to skip this step. I know I would.
  2. Ask what are my neighbors interests? Truly seek to understand where they are coming from.
  3. What might God want to accomplish in this? In the heat of our emotion, it is hard to see that there might be a larger purpose to our current disagreement. Jesus was 100% right, but He did not hold on to his position. He willingly allowed the bad guys to get the upper hand. We need to seek God’s outcome, not our own.
  4. Allow God’s Spirit to energize you.  He will give you the desire to do the right thing!
  5. BTW, do everything (these steps, and everything else) without: complaining, bickering, and name-calling. This requires self-control. If you feel you are losing self-control, walk away until you can regain it!
  6. Cling to words that bring life.  Find them, share them, repeat them to yourself. Most of use have negative tapes playing in our head. We need a new mind-set to help us rise above our disagreements.

These insights are gleaned from Paul’s letter to the Philippians, chapter 2, which you can read from The Voice below.

Do Paul’s words help you when you think of the ways you usually lock horns?

2 If you find any comfort from being in the Anointed, if His love brings you some encouragement, if you experience true companionship with the Spirit, if His tenderness and mercy fill your heart; then, brothers and sisters, 2 here is one thing that wouldcomplete my joy—come together as one in mind and spirit and purpose, sharing in the same love. 3 Don’t let selfishness and prideful agendas take over. Embrace true humility, and lift your heads to extend love to others. 4 Get beyond yourselves and protecting your own interests; be sincere, and secure your neighbors’ interests first.

5 In other words, adopt the mind-set of Jesus the Anointed. Live with His attitude in your hearts. Remember:

6 Though He was in the form of God,
He chose not to cling to equality with God;
7 But He poured Himself out to fill a vessel brand new;
a servant in form
and a man indeed.
The very likeness of humanity,
8 He humbled Himself,
obedient to death—
a merciless death on the cross!
9 So God raised Him up to the highest place
and gave Him the name above all.
10 So when His name is called,
every knee will bow,[a]
in heaven, on earth, and below.
11 And every tongue will confess[b]
“Jesus, the Anointed One, is Lord,”
to the glory of God our Father!

12 So now, my beloved, obey as you have always done, not only when I am with you, but even more so when I can’t be. Continue to work out your salvation, with great fear and trembling, 13 because God is energizing you so that you will desire and do what always pleases Him.

14 Do all things without complaining or bickering with each other, 15 so you will be found innocent and blameless; you are God’s children called to live without a single stain on your reputations among this perverted and crooked generation. Shine like stars across the land. 16 Cling to the word of life so that on the day of judgment when the Anointed One returns I may have reason to rejoice, because it will be plain that I didn’t turn from His mission nor did I work in vain. 17 Even if my lifeblood is to be poured out like wine as a sacrifice of your faith, I have great reason to celebrate with all of you. 18 And for the same reason, you can be glad and celebrate with me.

Recipe for Peace

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PeaceBiblical wisdom might help you, even if you aren’t a follower of Jesus or don’t believe the Bible. Paul spent years traveling and teaching people how to live out Jesus’ words. In his letter to a group of people, he shares some key points for helping people live in peace with themselves and each other.  I think they are still helpful today.

  1. Settle disagreements. Don’t let things accumulate. It is normal to disagree – even with people you love, or are working hard together to accomplish the same goals. Bearing in mind that there are at least three points of view involved: yours, the other party’s and the whole truth.  The whole truth comes from “the Master in heaven who doesn’t take sides or pick favorites” (Ephesians 6:9).
  2. Help others settle disagreements – don’t take sides. Help them to see what is motivating them and what is motivating the other party.
  3. Choose joy.  Find the joy. Don’t let  a disagreement or negativity weigh you down.
  4. Be gentle and considerate of others. They have a lot of background stuff – just like you do.
  5. Don’t worry about anything; pray. Tell God specifically what you need. Don’t ruminate or dwell on what you don’t have, negative aspects of the situation, or what bad things might happen, just pray possible solutions.
  6. Thank God for all He has done. Make a list of anything and everything remotely good in your life. Review and add to your list. All good gifts come from God.
  7. Fix your thoughts on what is true, honorable, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, and worthy of praise. Look hard to find these thoughts. Making this a continuous habit takes some effort, but pays off.

Reviewing this list helps to re-set my heart and mind in the midst of any struggle I might be having – either with myself or with another person.  I thank God for the wisdom Paul shared which continues to live on through the pages of a book that so many of us take for granted!

Here is the source for my outline in a version you might not have encountered.  Please let me know what you think! How has following, or not following, these guidelines impacted the peace in your heart or home?

2 Euodia and Syntyche, I urge you to put aside your differences, agree, and work together in the Lord. 3 Yes, Syzygus, loyal friend, I enlist you to please help these women. They, along with brother Clement and many others, have worked by my side to spread the good news of the gospel. They have their names recorded in the book of life.

4 Most of all, friends, always rejoice in the Lord! I never tire of saying it: Rejoice!5 Keep your gentle nature so that all people will know what it looks like to walk in His footsteps. The Lord is ever present with us. 6 Don’t be anxious about things; instead, pray. Pray about everything. He longs to hear your requests, so talk to God about your needs and be thankful for what has come. 7 And know that the peace of God (a peacethat is beyond any and all of our human understanding) will stand watch over your hearts and minds in Jesus, the Anointed One.

8 Finally, brothers and sisters, fill your minds with beauty and truth. Meditate on whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is good, whatever is virtuous and praiseworthy. 9 Keep to the script: whatever you learned and received and heard and saw in me—do it—and the God of peace will walk with you. Paul, Philippians 4, The Voice

 

 

Sustainable Life Change

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CloudsFear is not a good motivator – but joy is.

Dr Dean Ornish

How can you find a way to get joy in who and what you are becoming in order to motivate you towards your next steps?
If you need some inspiration try this:
Ernestine Shepherd, a nearly 80-year-old body builder in the Guinness Book of Records who only started ANY PHYSICAL training when she was 57, and only started training as a body builder when she was 70!
If you are the kind of person who loves facts and understanding how our body works, listen to Dr Dean Ornish on the joy of getting healthy!
Never Give up.  If this guy can lose his crutches, loose excess weight, and spring – what can you do?
Any positive lifestyle change you make is going to make a corresponding positive difference in your health and your life. The more you change, the more you improve – regardless of your age. Lifestyle changes can help your telomeres to lengthen! Telomeres are a critical indicator of aging and illness.

Don’t let the idea of aging limit you.  Don’t think there are certain symptoms of aging you can’t avoid!  Keep your telomeres long and strong!

“A telomere is a region of repetitive nucleotide sequences at each end of a chromatid, which protects the end of the chromosome from deterioration.” Wikipedia

“Telomeres have been compared with the plastic tips on shoelaces, because they keep chromosome ends from fraying and sticking to each other.”  University of Utah

What lifestyle changes do you find easiest?  Hardest?  What is the next step you want to conquer?

What to do in the midst of trouble

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Stadium“BE CAREFUL.  It’s easy to be deceived.”

Your current trouble, whatever it is

whatever you endure

whatever you say

keep in mind … it is for

“the sake of My Name, Jesus.

…None of your adversaries will be able to answer or argue against you.

…You will be hated by everyone

for the sake of My Name.

…So, when troubles begin, don’t be afraid.

Look up – raise your head high,

because the truth is that your liberation is fast approaching.

But, be careful. Guard your hearts.

They can be made heavy with

moral laxity

drunkeness

hassles of daily life

…so you have to stay alert

praying that you’ll be able to escape the coming trials so you can stand tall in the presence of the Son of Man.”

Jesus, Luke 21

Sometimes we find ourselves in the midst of trouble.  Sometimes we deserve it.  Often we don’t.  Jesus gives us a good plan on how to handle trouble.  LOOK UP!  Raise your head to Him – He is still there.  He is still in charge and He is waiting to make you strong in this trouble.  He hasn’t promised to take all the trouble away, but to be with you in the trouble.  To make your stronger. He can also use the trouble for His glory as you release it to Him

I’m praying you will have peace in the midst of your trouble and look up to find the strength you need today.

May the God of peace

make you His own completely and

set you apart from the rest.

May your spirit, soul, and body

be preserved

kept intact

and wholly free from any sort of blame

at the coming of our Lord Jesus the Annointed.

For God, who calls you,

is faithful,

and He can be trusted to make it so.

Paul, 1 Thessalonians 5

Thoughts about Food

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1438319_85233755

Instead of cooking, how about food preparation?

Instead of rigidly following a recipe, what about having a look at the real food available to you and saying, “how can I combine these foods to make something delicious?”

If you bake so you can have “treats” or snacks, what other foods could you begin to enjoy that would be a treat or snack?

Make a list of all the foods you love that are good for you and figure out creative ways to recombine them!

The possibilities are endless. Share your great ideas with others.  Our creativity can be contagious.  We need to

get out of the ruts we’ve formed for ourselves.

One client shared a new adaptation of some of my raw chocolate ideas:  mix organic peanut butter, raw cacao powder and honey. Roll it into a snake formation (like when we make play dough snakes with our kids).  Store it in the fridge and cut off a piece as needed for your super delicious, nutritious snack!  My adaptation would be to add come coconut oil to that mixture!  Play with it.  Make it your own.  Be creative.  Think differently!

Overcoming Evil With Good

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shattered glassMy friend shared a very powerful story that more people need to hear.  We’ve all faced situations where we feel unjustly attacked, or that the reaction we receive is totally over the top.  These attacks can cause a physical stress response in our body and leave us reeling for days!  We feel shattered.  Have you ever felt assaulted by words? Like you’ve been punched in the stomach?  Read about Kristin’s experience and how she responded.  Just a beautiful story!  These are her words, which she has given me permission to share:

Today, a simple trip to the “financial vortex” we like to call Target, ended up being an experience that God would use in my and my son’s life for quite some time. It is NOT a story about me. It is a story about the God that I serve and His infinite ability to make beauty from ashes.

As Luke and I turned off of North Point Parkway and into the strip mall that boasts the big red ball of happy, I noticed that there was a terribly obnoxious amount of traffic. I felt rather sorry for the cars that were trying to exit, (they had a yield sign to us) and so I (not noticing the “keep moving” sign) stopped to let a car squeak by. It was at this point I heard the BLAST of a horn – and when I say blast, I mean it sounded as if the driver had climbed out of his seat and was sitting on his steering wheel. And he didn’t let up. He followed me into the Target parking lot, and followed my minivan until I turned into a parking space. It was at that point that I realized we were going to have to exchange words… because he had intentionally stopped his car right behind mine so that I could not get out. Gulp.

I took a deep breath, I knew I was not dealing with a rational, good spirited person. Nope, this was an angry middle aged horn happy man who was severely enraged by my choice to let a car through traffic. Dear Lord.

FlamesMy feet had not even hit the pavement before a barrage of arrows came flying from his mouth. This man, I did not know, was screaming at me in the Target parking lot. I watched his mouth moving, his forehead squinched, his cheeks bright red with anger. I heard the words. “Idiot” “You should learn how to drive” “can’t you read?” “It’s people like you who cause accidents.” I stood in disbelief. Was this happening? All I could think was “Why is he so angry?” So, that’s what I asked him In the gentlest tone I possess. “Sir, why are you so angry?” He was so taken aback by my response that he stumbled over the next few words, scoffed a little, and then carried on with more arrows. Ugly arrows. Flaming arrows. Hurtful, sharp and wicked arrows… and then… he was gone.

Luke and I stood in the parking lot hand in hand with our mouths gapping, our hearts pounding, and our spirits completely stomped on. We had just been harassed by a perfect stranger, for being kind to another stranger. (And I admit that technically I had made a traffic mistake, but I am fairly certain that my abuser has made at least one of those in his life time? Just a guess.)

After I collected myself, (and sucked any tears that threatened to fall out – back into my eyeballs) I leaned down and looked into my son’s eyes. “Son, I am really sorry that that happened. You know that we NEVER – no matter how mad we are – we NEVER treat another person like he just treated Mommy, right?” “Yes ma’am” “And son, the Bible says to love our enemies and so I think we really need to pray for that man.” “I do too mommy.” “Alright, I love you so much” “I love you too momma.” “You ok?” “Yup”

And although I had resolved it with my son, I could not quite resolve it with myself. As we got our items from inside the store, a trail of “poor me” thoughts like “How could a person who does not know me or who I am, attack me like that? I’m like the nicest person ever, that wasn’t fair, my saturday is ruined, that was so mean, I’m so sad, tears… uh oh, tears… here they come..” And I burst into pitiful self pitying tears, right there in the happiest store on earth. I was letting that man crush my spirit. I was swimming in the ugliness that he had thrown on me and I was so close to MISSING the beauty that God was, in that very moment, effortlessly replacing it with.

As we walked to the car, I believe God spoke to me. “That man put something ugly into the world, now GO and put something beautiful in its place. I am God – and I turn ashes to beauty, evil to good, hurt to healing… Go and be my light. Go and bless someone.”

So friends, here’s where it gets GOOD. Luke and I prayed right there in the car. Where do we go? What do we do? Who do we bless? I felt the urge to drive across town to the Kroger near my house and so I took that as part of our answer. We prayed on the drive over that HE would lead us, show us who to bless and how to do it. I suspected we would be paying for someones groceries and so I immediately started to plan “Operation Bless A Stranger” Actually, it was more like “Operation bless a stranger who looks sad or down trodden with just a grocery basket, not a whole cart cause we can’t afford it if they’re not in the ten items or less lane.”

God had something else in mind.

After grabbing a very schizophrenic assortment of unnecessary items that I absolutely did not need, we neared the check outs. I started to question what I had heard. I felt nervous and embarrassed. What if this didn’t go down well. Who is it Lord? What if I…

And there she was.

A nicely dressed 50 something. Well put together, a typical southern lady, with a very substantial amount of groceries. Really Lord? She does not look like she needs me to buy her groceries…ALL millions of them. But I knew. The holy spirit was pushing my heart toward this woman, this perfect stranger.

I watched the grocery bill climb higher and higher, a bead of sweat flew off of my forehead, I felt a little nauseous. It was now or never. Her last item had crossed the finish. It was time to pay. “Ma’am?” I said. “My son and I would like to pay for your groceries.” She looked at me like I had just said “My son and I would like to eat your groceries.” Adamant, she replied. “No. You can not buy my groceries, there are way too many here. Someone did this for my mother. No, I can’t let you buy my groceries.” To which I replied “Ma’am, my son and I had a horrible experience today, and we prayed a lot about this, and you, and well, we’re going to buy your groceries.” At this point the woman realized that I was going to buy her groceries. There was no talking me out of it. She grabbed me. She literally wrapped her arms around me and began to sob. I sobbed too. Then she pulled away from me and looked me in my eyes and said this: “My husband is terminally ill, you just, you just have no idea… thank you.” And off she went, pushing her millions of groceries that God had just paid for, out the door.

Faith surrenderAt this point everyone was crying. The people in line behind us, the checkout girl, the tough guy one isle over “had something in his eye”… (he totally cried). The check out girl looked down at Luke and said “you have a great mom” to which I say this: This is not about me. This is about the God that I serve. This was FOR me from Him. He turns ashes to beauty, evil to good, hurt to healing, pain to laughter, and traffic violations to stories of His immense love – from one perfect stranger to another.

So my challenge? When someone is terribly unkind to you, GO do something for someone else. He has given us the power to replace the bad with something good.

My God is an awesome God. That is all.

[ME}: Hey Kristin I’d love to share your story. It is so profound and illustrates some practical steps for healing and forgiveness. I can share with or without your name – whichever you prefer. Also, I was wondering if after the big hug by the lady and all the tears, if you felt an emotional cleansing? It is amazing how an assault of words can actually have a physical impact on our body – almost as if we had been physically punched all over. I think your Holy Spirit guided response was absolutely beautiful and must have brought such healing and a sense of physical peace.
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  • Kristin Birkeli Grunewald Becky Hastings, you absolutely may share it with whomever you’d like! And YES re the emotional cleansing. I absolutely did feel that way! And HE knew I would. I’m feeling so incredibly blessed to be the daughter of a king, who cares so greatly for his children!

    Share away! Start a movement! #killitwithkindness!

     

My Journey so Far

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I grew up in the USA, but after meeting my husband John in South Africa, we spent 30 years raising our five children there, living in a few different locations, but finally making our home in Cape Town in 2001. We loved serving God and others at Southpoint Church and were blessed in so many different ways. In May 2013 we disentangled ourselves from most of our earthly possessions in Cape Town, South Africa to find ourselves with our three suitcases each, in Warner Robins, Georgia, to begin a brand new season of life where John is serving as Lead Pastor of Longleaf Church, Rachel is excelling at Middle Georgia State College and Leah is enjoying her first school experience two days a week with a hybrid homeschooling program called Veritas Classical Education. We were happy to be close enough to connect more frequently with our three adult sons, two daughters-in-love and three grandchildren – two we’d never met!

It is always difficult and traumatic to move, and moving cross-continentally from a place we loved, full of people we loved, has had the expected challenges.  We have learned to play a game I invented called, “It’s good because _______” where everyone takes a turn to fill in the blank.

DSC_0217Sometimes God needs to disentangle us from some things so that He can make us available for MORE.  We continue to look for all the MORE He has for us and especially how we can be MORE effective in sharing the love of Christ with others.

For most of my adult life I have been wondering what I was going to do “when I grow up.” Raising five children and homeschooling them has been my focus for many years.This move has caused me to begin seriously thinking about useful ways of using the next phase of life.  With only two children remaining at home (Rachel, 20 and Leah, 13), I have more discretionary time than ever before.

In examining my strengths and potential opportunities with many wise people, I was introduced to the field of Life Coaching and have completed my first course towards becoming a Certified Professional Life Coach.  I am enjoying all aspects of this endeavor: the learning, the peer coaching, and coaching actual clients.  I am realizing that I have been doing coaching for many years in a variety of capacities and I love the privilege of working with clients to discover and achieve their goals.

I am looking forward to continuing my training and personal development through taking more classes while at the same time offering my services at a reduced rate to clients who are ready to make some thoughtful changes in different areas of their lives.  I am currently coaching moms with children at home who want to improve family relationships; seasoned executives who want to make wise choices about nutrition and lifestyle so they can enjoy long life AND vitality; and business owners who just want to be better at everything.  I continue to pursue my passion for health and wellness through on-line conferences and education and love helping others find practical economical ways to improve their health and enjoyment of life!

‘Ready, Fire, Aim’ is an approach to life that resonates well with me.  I do like to get ready, but I like to get into motion and refine as I go.  God has been getting me ready for coaching through:

  • 34 years as a Christ follower, learning lessons daily;

  • 34 years of progressive awareness of health and nutrition all built upon a Nutritional Chemistry Course taken at Vanderbilt University;

  • 33 years married to John with all the learning and adapting marriage requires;

  • 31 years of mothering five children through all their different developmental learning stages;

  • 20+ years passionately coaching young moms towards mothering through breastfeeding with the incredible support of La Leche League South Africa;

  • 17 years of homeschooling five different personalities and learning styles;

  • 15 years of facilitating Communication workshops for small groups;

  • 13 years as a Pastor’s wife;

  • 6 years as a member of an amazing staff team at Southpoint Church seeking to create environments so people could come to know and love Jesus as we do!

DSC_0260So, as I look back I see that God has been preparing me and getting me ready for this phase of my life.  I look ahead with anticipation to how He might use me to help others.

I imagine taking all that experience and using it to help and bless others in 2014 and beyond…

  • Help people learn healthier living options through my blog;

  • Help people navigate their life choices through personal one on one coaching via Skype or telephone;

  • Help groups of people realize their personal goals – whether in terms of nutrition, exercise, organization, relationships, communication etc. through group coaching interaction;

  • Help people by giving motivational/inspirational talks;

  • Help teams (especially church or non-profit staffs) with team building, communication and development.

I am completely open to any doors that God will guide me to, but these are some of the things that He has given me a burden for.

So I would value your prayers as I begin this new phase of life and I would also appreciate any referrals you may have if you or someone you know resonates with the type of help I am offering.

I was caught by surprise when Mark Sisson (Mark’s Daily Apple) shared his BHAG (Big Hairy Audacious Goal) in his first email of 2014:  “Greetings, as many of you know, it’s my life goal to help 10 million people get healthy.”

Wow!  My first thought was ‘I wonder how many people I can help?’  If I can help 10 thousand I think I will be accomplishing a lot!  But I pray I may be available to truly help as many people as God sends my way!  I praise Jesus Christ for all He has done for me and hope I can be a channel to share His blessing with others!Head Shot B

Thanks for your prayers, help and support! Use the contact form below me if I can help you in any way.

Becky Hastings

PS: You might enjoy my latest updated recipe for Raw Chocolate.  It is so easy anyone can make it and so delicious you’ll want to have some every day!!