Vaccine Wars

Conflict stick figuresHelp! I have a family member who wants to vaccinate a child I love. What can I do to get them to change their mind????

Sometimes significant family members refuse to research factual information, yet strongly disagrees when we present the true dangers and risk of vaccines. Vaccine debates in families can become extremely emotional. Both sides feel committed to their point of view.

If you are having vaccine safety discussions with someone you love, who also loves your child, it is critically important for you to remember that you are on the same team. You both want the best for your precious baby. It’s not about who is right and who is wrong, but it is about what is truly best for your baby. It is also important to recognize that the media and the medical system push vaccines on the public through well designed fear campaigns. Many times conversations about vaccines can become a heated topic. It is best to avoid that. Sometimes asking a friend to play the role of arbitrator can be helpful. It is always helpful to pray. God can truly work miracles, even today.

Understanding the point of view of the other person is a priority and will help open up calm rational discussion. Seek first to understand. Don’t even try to change their mind. Have a few conversations just exploring their background beliefs on the topic of vaccines.

  • Is the pro vaccine stance rooted in a fear of disease? Which particular disease? Where is their information or fear coming from?
  • Does their pro vaccine stance stem from social fear? Maybe their own parents or family has drummed it into their mind that anyone that doesn’t give vaccines is just stupid or irresponsible, and they don’t ever want to have ‘that conversation’ with them.
  • Are there any medical/educational factors in their background? Maybe a course they took where a teacher stressed vaccines were safe and effective and everyone should get them.
  • Is there a previous tragedy in the family that they think might have been prevented with vaccines?
  • Lack of education, yet pride. Sometimes when a person is bombarded with ‘scientific evidence’ it makes them feel inferior so they dig in their heels just to demonstrate their strength and power. By listening and showing respect for their views it can give them space to let go of their pride.

When you are reasonable and listen, it will enable you to slowly ask questions and impart important information about the specific risk of vaccines. Many of us have been researching the harm of vaccines for years and could give several hours worth of lectures on the topic. That is WAY TOO MUCH information to share. We need to simplify and make very simple requests like, can we read the vaccine package insert together? Many people find exploring the vaccine package inserts supplied by the manufacturer for each shot contains valuable information to understand both the ingredients in the vaccine and the adverse events noted when it was studied.

Another step is to research the disease which the pro-vaccine family member fears the most. Look at the actual number of cases of the disease so you know the risk and learn how to treat it.

A critically important area to research is the design and function of the infant’s immune system. Scientific understanding of the development of the immune system in the last 10 years has exploded. So much new information is now available on the gut/brain link and the lymphatic system that all medical textbooks need to be re-written. Most doctors are not able to keep current on the latest scientific discoveries.

A parent’s most important role in the early years of a child’s life is to protect their babies brain. Ask your pro-vaccine family member to look into the blood brain barrier. No parent will knowingly put their baby into a faulty car seat, yet we inject baby with chemicals we would never let them touch or put into their mouths. Stick to limited information. One ingredient of particular concern is aluminum.

I highly recommend watching any video on Youtube by Dr Suzanne Humphries, especially the videos in which she explains exactly HOW the infant immune system develops. All her talks contain the latest unbiased SCIENCE. Everything she explains is evidence-based with REAL science, not the bought and paid for type. I linked her video on this blog. Stress the importance of finding unbiased scientific support for any decision you make. You are on the same team and both parents want the best for your precious baby – safety from illness and a long healthy life. The question is, how is that achieved?

Regarding the recommendation implemented in 2013 by the CDC for every woman to get a TDaP for every pregnancy, please research carefully before you inject anything into your body when pregnant. I wrote about shots recommended for pregnancy here.

If you have tried everything and your partner still feels strongly about giving your baby vaccines, as a last resort, may I respectfully suggest that you ask to schedule a face to face conversation to discuss one specific request. Don’t rely on texts, or sending links via email. Make an appointment like this, “Hey, when would be a good chance for us to have an important conversation? I just want to make sure it’s a time when we won’t face any other distractions, so that we can truly hear each other.” Set a day and time.

Plan what you want to say. It might be something like this, “I know you think vaccines are really important for ____ to receive. I know you are concerned about infectious diseases and would never want our baby to suffer. I know you trust ______ (the doctor) and want to be a great parent. You are a great parent, by the way. I have one request. Could we please delay all vaccines until we are able to have some more rational conversations about this topic. We might need someone to come and help us talk about it. I would like to recommend specifically that we delay all vaccines at least until the baby’s blood brain barrier is fully formed. My particular concern is that the ingredients in the vaccines which are injected will make their way to the brain.”

There are differing opinions on when the blood brain barrier closes (perhaps your partner would want to do more research), but experts agree that it is sometime between 2 – 8 years. If you can get an agreement to wait until 2 years, research, pray like crazy, and try to understand your partner’s point of view! Asking questions and try to understand where they are coming from, without trying to win every argument will go a long way in helping them eventually come to understand the truth about the vaccine debate.

Finally, if for whatever reason, your baby is given vaccines, please read this first so that you are fully prepared and understand the process, and how to make it easier on everyone.

You might not agree, but I believe the issue of vaccine safety is part of a spiritual battle we face. Paul gave Timothy, his young prodigy, this profound advice:

“Opponents must be gently instructed, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth, and that they will come to their senses and escape from the trap of the devil, who has taken them captive to do his will.” 2 Timothy 2:25-26

Thanksgiving 2015

Author: Becky Hastings, wife, mother, grandmother, passionate follower of Jesus and truth. As a breastfeeding counselor for over 23 years Becky is devoted to helping parents make wise decisions for the long-term health and wellbeing of their babies. As a member of a Vaccine Safety Education Coalition, Becky writes and speaks on the topic of vaccine safety.

Vaccine Disagreements

Mom Dad BabyWhat do you do when an educated, caring spouse disagrees about vaccine safety?
My husband is a former science professor with a PhD in molecular/cellular biology. My father had a medical degree with scientific training as a virologist and worked in public health. I never finished college, but have spent my life homeschooling our five children and myself on topics I am passionate about. Our children are now aged 33 to 16.

Initially my father admitted vaccines did cause damage to some children, but he had been so well indoctrinated in his medical training that he still thought vaccines were best for society. He told me that my breastfed babies were healthier NOT having vaccines. I began researching the real dangers of vaccines 34 years ago. Over time, both my dad and my husband came to respect the evidence I brought. My husband wholeheartedly supports keeping children safe with a robust innate immune system – something vaccines will never give.

If you are having vaccine safety discussions with someone you love, who also loves your child, it is critically important for you to remember that you are on the same team. You both want the best for your precious baby. It’s not about who is right and who is wrong, but it is about what is truly best for your baby. It is also important to recognize that the media and the medical system push vaccines on the public through well designed fear campaigns. Many times conversations about vaccines can become a heated topic. It is best to avoid that. Sometimes asking a friend to play the role of arbitrator can be helpful. It is always helpful to pray. God can truly work miracles, even today.

Next, encourage the pro vaccine (or fearful) spouse to research the disease which they fear the most. A critically important area to research is the design and function of the infant’s immune system. So much has been learned in the last 10 years about the immune system, the gut brain link, and the lymphatic system, that all medical textbooks need to be re-written. Most doctors are not able to keep current on the latest scientific discoveries.

I highly recommend watching any video on Youtube by Dr Suzanne Humphries, especially the videos in which she explains exactly HOW the infant immune system develops. All her talks contain the latest unbiased SCIENCE. Everything she explains is evidence based with REAL science, not the bought and paid for type. I linked her video on this blog. Stress the importance of finding unbiased scientific support for any decision you make. You are on the same team and both parents want the best for your precious baby – safety from illness and a long healthy life. The question is, how is that achieved?

As a parent, the most important thing you can do is Protect Your Child’s Brain. In our world there is ever-increasing exposure to many different toxic ingredients, from our food, air, and chemicals around us. Please explore exactly what is in the vaccines recommended for your baby and how those ingredients will impact the body and brain.

Sometimes family members – not your partner – want to bombard you with their strong opinions on your vaccine choices. Some push really hard and have strong opinions. If you are experiencing something like this, I compiled this blog just for you which asks eight key questions to help your pro vaccine supporter think through some of the facts about vaccine safety.

Regarding the recommendation implemented in 2013 by the CDC for every woman to get a TDaP for every pregnancy, please research carefully before you inject anything into your body when pregnant. I wrote about shots recommended for pregnancy here.

If you have tried everything and your partner still feels strongly about giving your baby vaccines, as a last resort, may I respectfully suggest that you ask to schedule a face to face conversation to discuss one specific request. Pray their eyes will be open. The one request is to buy time. Request that you delay all vaccines at least until the baby’s blood brain barrier is fully formed. There are differing opinions on when that happens (perhaps your partner would want to research what it is and when it happens), but experts agree that it is sometime between 2 – 8 years. If you can get an agreement to wait until 2 years, research, pray like crazy, and try to understand your partner’s point of view! Asking questions and try to understand where they are coming from, without trying to win every argument will go a long way in helping them eventually come to understand the truth about the vaccine debate.

Many people find exploring the vaccine package inserts supplied by the manufacturer for each shot contains valuable information to understand both the ingredients in the vaccine and the adverse events noted when it was studied.

If, after a lot of exposure, or if there is a refusal to research factual information, understanding the point of view of your partner will help open up calm rational discussion. Seek first to understand. Don’t even try to change their mind. Have a few conversations just exploring their background beliefs on the topic of vaccines.

  • Is the pro vaccine stance rooted in a fear of disease? Which particular disease? Where is their information or fear coming from?
  • Does their pro vaccine stance stem from social fear? Maybe their own parents or family has drummed it into their mind that anyone that doesn’t give vaccines is just stupid or irresponsible, and they don’t ever want to have ‘that conversation’ with them.
  • Are there any medical/educational factors in their background? Maybe a course they took where a teacher stressed vaccines were safe and effective and everyone should get them.
  • Is there a previous tragedy in the family that they think might have been prevented with vaccines?
  • Lack of education, yet pride. Sometimes when a person is bombarded with ‘scientific evidence’ it makes them feel inferior so they dig in their heels just to demonstrate their strength and power. By listening and showing respect for their views it can give them space to let go of their pride.

Finally, if for whatever reason, you decide to give your baby vaccines, please read this so that you are fully prepared and understand the process, and how to make it easier on everyone.

You might not agree, but I believe the issue of vaccine safety is part of a spiritual battle we face. Paul gave Timothy, his young prodigy, this profound advice:

“Opponents must be gently instructed, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth, and that they will come to their senses and escape from the trap of the devil, who has taken them captive to do his will.” 2 Timothy 2:25-26

Thanksgiving 2015

Author: Becky Hastings, wife, mother, grandmother, passionate follower of Jesus and truth. As a breastfeeding counselor for over 23 years Becky is devoted to helping parents make wise decisions for the long-term health and wellbeing of their babies. As a member of a Vaccine Safety Education Coalition, Becky writes and speaks on the topic of vaccine safety.

For Women Only

Toblerone Triangle croppedQuarrelsome or Nagging Wife

It’s better to live alone in the desert
    than with a quarrelsome, complaining wife. Proverbs 21:19

Marriage is difficult. We’ve been working on it for 35+ years and I still have so much to learn! Reading this verse in Proverbs about the nagging wife, usually brings to mind incidents of OTHER women. Rarely have I thought I might BE that woman.

As I listened to the audio Bible of Proverbs 21 last week, I believe the Spirit of God gave me a fresh insight and deeper understanding of the nagging wife.

When we hear the words “nagging wife” or “quarrelsome wife” most of us women, have an idea of what that is. We may also know someone who fits that description. But,

What does a man perceive as quarrelsome/nagging?

In particular, what might your man perceive as nagging?

Having recently read most of the old book with old-fashioned ideas, Fascinating Womanhood by Helen Andelin, I came up with this list of possible things men might perceive as nagging.

Reminders of his shortcomings in any area of life. Maybe even something as simple as reminding him that he left the milk on the counter, or left the garage door open. Additionally, almost every man will feel nagged by any reminder, however subtle or unintentional, that reflects negatively on his current role of provider. For instance, reminding him that you are making great personal sacrifices because you have such a small budget, or reminding him of how little money you managed to spend, etc. While you may genuinely feel your efforts need to be commended, they may come across as reminders that he is not providing the family with the abundance he would like to.

A wife is often the one and only place a man will reveal his deepest thoughts/feelings/insecurities/vulnerabilities. We must guard these as a sacred treasure, not to be shared with others. Never to be spoken of in anything that may be interpreted to be demeaning or belittling. Anything that reminds him in a negative way of the vulnerability he has shared with you will most certainly be interpreted as nagging.

While we must guard the treasures shared with us by our husbands, we must not allow them to burden us. We must release those deep secrets into the care of our Lord Jesus who has only affection for us. We must not hold on and allow our husband’s insecurities to weigh us down. We must learn to answer with faith and encouragement both for the sake of our husband and for our own sake.

Another action that could be interpreted as ‘nagging’ by our husband is any attempt to share information or “teach”. Most efforts to bring information or expertise and share it, usually backfire. Generally a man does not desire to learn anything from his wife. If he does want to learn from you, he will certainly ask you, in which case you must share the skills you have gained in a humble patient way. Never patronize him, or speak down to him for not knowing something you know. Never bring him new information, as if you have something really important to teach him. When we bring new information to a man he interprets that as highlighting his weaknesses. What a man wants to hear from his wife is how awesome he is. He only wants to discuss things that directly relate to him and build him up. Everywhere he turns in the world he finds challenges, competition, complaints and criticism. From his wife he wants bolstering. He wants a viewpoint that sees him as the hero.

Other common things woman may inadvertently do that can be interpreted as nagging include talking to him as if he is one of the children, making any disparaging remark about his academic abilities, his financial abilities or past mistakes, any negative reference to his physical appearance or presentation, and unsolicited reminders of any sort. Even when we have good motivations, he doesn’t want to have his actions questioned, “You aren’t going to eat that are you?” or “You aren’t eating now are you?”

Encouraging is probably the polar opposite of nagging. Our goal should never be maintaining a neutral position, but to be robustly encouraging. Encouragement is not only conveyed through the words we say. Encouragement does not hinge on our intentions behind our words. The litmus test for encouragement is how your man hears and interprets your words and intentions. While every man has the same landscape of hopes, dreams, drives and insecurities (For Women Only, Revised and Updated Edition: What You Need to Know about the Inner Lives of Men by Shaunti Feldhahn), every man is different and a puzzle for his wife to navigate. Your unique and valuable position as a wife means learning what words and actions your husband finds encouraging.

Learning how to respond in an encouraging, non-nagging manner does not mean squashing all your thoughts and feelings inside. It does not mean disappearing into a non-person state. As a wife you have a unique position and opportunity to be the one light of encouragement in your man’s life. If you see yourself in this position of honor, you will reap benefits beyond your imagination.

Whole FamilyAuthor Becky Hastings, wife, mother, grandmother, writer, and speaker, is passionate about health, Jesus, and joy. Becky blogs at http://journeyboost.com and shares health information on her Facebook page. Please like journeyboost on Facebook!

 

More on CPS visits

Front DoorI compiled information on how to handle a visit from CPS earlier. Here is another view with supporting information on how to be prepared in case you experience a visit from CPS. Expect the best, be prepared for the worst, like Jesus said, be as wise as serpents and innocent as doves (Matthew 10:16). 

“I hope no one ever has to go through this, but here is some advice by someone who has experience in a crooked perverse system. I believe there are some truly good and fair people involved in CPS. Unfortunately there is more evil in the world (and our country) than we could imagine. The following information was shared by a licensed foster parent in WA state. This case is scary, but sadly, happens all the time. We have trained our own bio kids in the following steps just as we adults are well aware of them. Hopefully these will help readers here:
Ten Things You Must Do if CPS Knocks at Your Door
1) TAKE THE ACCUSATION SERIOUSLY.
Parents are routinely accused of ridiculous things: trying to sell their children to relatives for drug money; molesting a child in the living room during a family party; beating a child with a baseball bat – without leaving bruises. Yes, those were real calls to CPS – all taken as true by investigators. I don’ t care how absurd or unbelievable the case worker sounds. Understand that SHE is serious, and likely presumes – no, likely “KNOWS” that you are guilty as accused. Even if she doesn’t flat-out say that she’ s there to take the children, she is quite possibly intent on doing just that. In testimony to Congress, Chris Klicka, senior counsel for the Home School Legal Defense Association, stated that a case worker with 30 years’ experience once confided in him that “When I started working, we tried to prove the family was innocent. Now we assume they are guilty until they prove they are not.”
2) ASK WHAT THE CHARGES ARE.
Most of the time, the case worker wants to keep you in the dark as to what you have been accused of. despite being required by federal and state law to tell you details of the accusation at her first contact with you. Don’t settle for the answer of “abuse” or “neglect.” Those are categories, not details. You are entitled to know what specific actions you are accused of committing.
3) SHUT UP. SHUT UP NOW.
It is imperative that you not submit to a CPS interrogation before talking to your attorney. It is natural that innocent parents who have nothing to hide want to explain everything so that a reasonable person can see that there’s no problem here. But CPS agents are not reasonable. To them, the accusation IS the evidence against you. That case worker is there to find evidence to support what she already believes to be true – that you abused your child.
If you say nothing to them, you have taken away their greatest weapon, which is their ability to twist your words. Let me give you some examples of what was done to parents who did talk to them:
The husband of a client of mine had been accused of sexually molesting their autistic, non-verbal daughter. The CPS investigator asked the mother if her daughter had exhibited any unusual behavior lately. The only thing she could think of was that a couple of times the month before, the girl had wanted her mother to come lay down with her for a few minutes. Usually, she would just go in by herself and go right to sleep. The investigator stated to the court that the mother admitted her child had become afraid of her own bedroom.
One father I defended told the case worker that he had disciplined his daughter over a 20 minute period, where he would talk to her about what she had done wrong, swat her a few times, and then talk some more. The investigator stated to the court that the father admitted to beating his child non-stop for 20 minutes.
4) FIND AN ATTORNEY WHO HAS EXPERIENCE FIGHTING CPS.
When? As soon as you realize your family is being investigated. The sooner an experienced attorney enters the picture, the sooner he or she can put a stop to abusive CPS tactics. Please note that I said experience in FIGHTING CPS. Many attorneys – if not most – believe their role is to find out what CPS wants and make sure their clients do it. That way often leads to disaster – and the loss of your children.
5) BE POLITE.
Hostility toward the investigator is considered evidence of guilt. Your perfectly natural angry reaction to being accused of harming your child will be used as evidence of an abusive personality. This is where an attorney can be a valuable asset. He or she can stand up to the bully on your behalf.
6) NEVER LET THEM IN YOUR HOME.
Under no circumstances should you let any government agent in your home unless he or she has a court order. Ask to see the warrant or order, because the CPS worker may lie and say she has one when she doesn’t. When she doesn’t have one, politely but firmly tell her that she will have to stay outside until she gets one. If she claims it’s an emergency, make her tell you what it is. Call her bluff – if it were a true emergency, she would not be asking – she’d be there with armed police officers, forcing her way in. Do not even open the door to let her look at the children.
There is no compromise on this. There are no exceptions. If you invite a case worker into your home, you have waived your fourth amendment protection. And if the case worker is intent on taking your children, SHE WILL FIND SOMETHING IN YOUR HOME TO JUSTIFY IT. THAT IS A GUARANTEE.
Understand that you may be threatened. You may be lied to. She may tell you that the 4 th amendment doesn’ t apply to caseworkers. That is a lie. She may tell you that she doesn’ t need a warrant. That is a lie. She may tell you that she’ll return with armed police officers. And she very well may. But that changes nothing. Even a man with a gun on your porch doesn’t change the fact that she has no right to enter your home.
Listen to the words of an ex-CPS investigator:
“I wish I could shout from the highest mountain to parents to vigilantly learn their rights! If they knew what their legal rights were there would be significantly lower numbers of child removals. Social workers, unlike policemen making an arrest, are not required to inform the parents of their legal rights. All we had to do to remove a child was to show up at the home and tell the parents we came to remove the kids. Often times we would take a police officer with us (never telling the parents he was there for MY protection, not to enforce an order or warrant). 99% of the time we never had to get a warrant or court order to remove kids because the parents would be so intimidated by the officer that they would just hand their kids over and show up for court the next day. But if they had legally known their parental rights, they could simply have told me that I could not take the children unless I had a court order signed by the judge or had a warrant to remove the kids. … the majority of times parents were just intimidated and gave consent for the whole process to begin; completely unknowing of what rights they just waived.”
If officers do force their way in, do not physically resist. Make your objections clear, but stand aside. There’s no point in getting arrested, or risking injury or death. Your children need you fighting for them, and you can’t do that from a jail cell or hospital. Demand that you not be separated from your children, and that your children be interrogated only with your attorney present. (This demand will likely be ignored, but demand it anyway. The fact that they ignored you may become important in later court proceedings.)
7) RECORD EVERYTHING.
Demand that CPS tape any interrogation of your child. They are required by Texas law to do so. Bring your own recorder in case the CPS agent “loses” hers.
Tape record every conversation you have with a CPS worker – but do it secretly. Nothing in my experience enrages a CPS worker – leading to rash action – faster than finding out she’s being recorded. So don’t tell her. In Texas, it’s perfectly legal to secretly record any conversation that you are a part of.
8) HAVE A DOCTOR EXAMINE YOUR CHILD.
If the accusation is one of physical abuse, have YOUR OWN doctor give your child a thorough physical exam. Ask him to write a letter stating that no bruises, marks, or health concerns were found on the child that would create suspicion of child abuse or neglect. Go to a doctor you trust. Never never never go to a doctor recommended by CPS.
9) GET FRIENDS AND FAMILY INVOLVED IN THE FIGHT.
Gather names of friends and relatives who are willing and able to care for your children if CPS takes them. They are required by law to place with family or friends before considering a foster care child warehouse, but will often ignore that law if you let them. Don’t let them. If your children must spend time away from you, it’s far better that they do so with people you know and trust than in an abusive foster facility.
Also, get your friends, family, co-workers, pastor – anyone who has seen you parenting your child – to write a letter on your behalf, stating what a good parent you are. CPS investigators are required to take such information into consideration, and it’s much harder for them to illegally snatch your child without cause when they know a crowd is watching them.
10) NEVER ADMIT GUILT.
Never, ever admit to anything. Even if CPS has taken your children and offers to give them back if you do (they won’t), it would be immoral to do so if you truly haven’t done anything. Even if you did make a momentary mistake, admitting so may be a quick way to jail and to lose your kids forever.
CPS agents are not above lying to you to prove you guilty of something, so don’t trust what they say. They won’t understand. They won’t give you a break. They will use anything you say against you, and even make stuff up. Don’t make it easy on them.”

Marriage Speaks

12LOVE SONG

Is marriage an outdated concept? We have countless songs about love in our culture. But real life doesn’t always look like our favorite love song. What do you do when your expectations of love and marriage don’t always get met? Can marriage work in our modern world? The statistics might tell us that divorce is a strong possibility, but is there anything we can do to improve our chances of success?

John CroppedLove Song is a series of four talks on relationships delivered at Longleaf Church, the first three by John & Becky Hastings and the last talk by Matthew and Rachel Hastings. John is the Senior Pastor of Longleaf Church. Matthew is Assistant Pastor at Next Level Church in Charlotte, NC. John and Becky have been married for 34 years, have five children, and four grandchildren. They share from their experience of working through the many challenges of marriage!

The topics discussed include

Toblerone Triangle cropped1. The Director’s Chair. John and Becky explore exactly who should be in charge of your relationship. In this talk Becky shares her personal experience of the grace and forgiveness of Jesus Christ.

2. Don’t Fight Fair. Do you have rules for fighting? In this talk John and Becky share some of their conflicts and growth through them.

3. Finishing Together. Is there a secret sauce for endurance? John and Becky share hope for creating a long lastings and satisfying relationship.

Matt & R cropped4. Becoming Marriageable. Matthew & Rachel Hastings share their experience of six years of marriage.