Who Me?

“As high as the heavens are about the earth, so are My thoughts higher than your thoughts and My ways higher than your ways.” Isaiah 55:9

What does God desire? Is there ONE thing God desires more than anything else?

Repentance. What is it? A recognition and acknowledgment that I have done wrong, that I have been pursuing the wrong path. Even my best efforts, my noblest deeds, apart from my Creator, are of no credit or value to Him. HE must be my starting point, my inspiration.

True repentance denotes a change of mind. Not a whimsical change, an enduring, lasting change. I must realize I am not good; I need a new heart and mind to even grasp what defines ‘good.’ Jesus clearly stated that we cannot embrace God, our Creator, without fully accepting and embracing Jesus Himself. Refusing to repent of the basic flaws in our thinking prevents us from fully receiving all the Creator desires to bestow on us.

Repentance is HARD! It challenges us to the core of who we think we are. The older we are, the more challenging it will be, because the foundation of all we profess to know about ourselves and the world around us, must shift to allow the light of Jesus Christ to re-interpret everything.

How do I being? Honestly. Perhaps like this,

“Lord God, my Maker, I don’t really believe my biggest problem is me, or that I need to repent. But I have a desire burning in my heart to know You, to please You, and to do good. Help me start where I am. Reveal Yourself and Your truth to me. I’m not convinced that Jesus is the exclusive access point to You, but I’m willing to explore. Since You designed me and all I see, I accept that You are higher and greater. If You indeed can be known by me, I accept Your offer. Lead me.”

Becky Hastings, a wife, mom, grandmother, passionate follower of Jesus, health promoter, breastfeeding counsellor helping moms for 22+ years, and someone who seeks to research, understand and share truth so people can make wise choices in our crazy mixed up, deceived world! Seeking to practice repentance every day!

The Biggest Deception

Society has been sanitized.
Cleansed from vital information.
Our culture contrives to conceal
Two critically important facts:
Our Creator and our enemy.
The King of glory,
Creator, Designer, and ruler of all,
In whom justice and mercy
Perfectly balance,
Full of grace and truth,
Seeks to restore, heal, empower, and guide
Every individual who surrenders.
Yet at every point the enemy seeks
To twist, distort, hide, and ignore
The reality of our Creator
And His absolute love for us.
The enemy tempts with counterfeit pleasures.
Feed our appetites;
Feed our desires.
Seeks to obliterate knowledge of God,
Through lies and deception,
Starting with the very young.
The enemy leads us to follow
Our own lusts and passions;
Distractions abound;
Desensitization to his methods
From earliest childhood.
By any and all means,
The enemy of our souls
Seeks to keep us disconnected
From our Creator.
He may lure with wealth, success, satisfaction
Yet hates us with a
Malignant malevolent furious contempt.
Don’t be fooled.
He is a deceiver.
Correctly understanding these
Two essential foundational realities
Changes everything.
Reframes our reality
In its true context.
My life, for the glory of God alone.

I reflect on these things with thankfulness knowing that through Jesus, I have been “rescued from the dominion of darkness and brought into the kingdom of the Son He loves, in whom I have redemption the forgiveness of sins.” (Colossians 1:13-14)

Thanksgiving 2015

Author: Becky Hastings, wife, mother, grandmother, passionate follower of Jesus and truth. As a breastfeeding counsellor for over 23 years Becky is devoted to helping parents make wise decisions for the long-term health and wellbeing of their babies. As a member of a Vaccine Safety Education Coalition, Becky writes and speaks on the topic of vaccine safety.

Father Yearning

father-handA guest blog by my friend, Marcella Piper-Terry, who powerfully conveys the intrinsic desperate need we all have for the love of our father. Our heart’s yearning for love and acceptance from our earthly father, is a mirror of the hunger placed in our heart to know and be accepted by our Father in heaven. Many will never know the love or have a relationship with an earthly father, but a relationship with our heavenly Father is an open invitation to all. If you can relate to father hurt, at any level, I urge you to seek your heavenly Father with all your heart, soul and mind.

Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,’ declares the Lord… Jeremiah 29:12-14

There’s this man…
He was the first man in my life.
He was the first man to break my heart.
When he left, I felt abandoned, unloved, confused, afraid, and very angry. For a very long time.
I couldn’t let him go.
He moved on.
I couldn’t let him go.
He disappeared and in the vapor that was left behind were the ghosts of my needs. Reaching. Clawing at the nothingness.
Until I found a substitute. Who also moved on, and who repeated the abandonment and inflicted the same pain on our son.
But there was still this man.
I loved him.
I couldn’t let him go.
Even though he let me go.
I couldn’t let him go.
Over decades, I called. He hung up.
I tracked him down and rang his doorbell with my baby on my hip.
He didn’t recognize me.
Over decades.
More than 40 years.
I couldn’t let him go.
Then it happened.
My phone rang.
He was back.
And now, only a handful of years later, he is leaving me again.
And I am here. With him. In his world.
Learning who this man is.
Learning about his life, his perceptions of the world and the people he has known and loved. Learning about the parts of me that come from him.
Please pray for God to give me strength and to fill my heart with love, acceptance, and forgiveness as I spend what will most likely be my final visit with my father.
He is so many things.
He is handsome, charismatic, intelligent, artistic, and beautifully… humanly… incredibly flawed.
And I love him.
Desperately.

by Marcella Piper-Terry

Choice & Belief

6 needles croppedThe overriding issue in the vaccine debate is choice. Many highly educated doctors and parents, who take the time to closely dissect the research behind ‘vaccine science’, develop deep concerns.

Anyone who desires the truth and wants to understand vaccines should start simply by reading the vaccine ingredient list. The ingredients of each vaccine can be found in the complete vaccine package insert (VPI) provided in the box from the manufacturers – not the “info sheet” that the CDC has prepared and that your doctor will have in his office. You can read all the package inserts on the FDA’s own website. Section 11 of every VPI contains the ingredients. Look up the Material Safety Data Sheet (MSDS) on each ingredient.

When discussing vaccine ingredients, many who are pro-vaccine repeat (ad nauseam) that the ingredients we eat (i.e. pears) contain more of these toxic chemicals than are in vaccines. This concept deserves deeper consideration. The FDA has standards for safety for the ingestion of many of the ingredients listed in vaccines. However, ingestion is inherently safer than injection because the gastro intestinal tract contains and eliminates toxins rather efficiently. Injecting toxic chemicals intramuscularly is exposing the body to far more harm. The blood system and lymph system is not always able to identify and eliminate harmful ingredients such as aluminum, formaldehyde, polysorbate 80, mercury, and Glutaraldehyde.

Vaccines also contain protein and DNA fragments from the growth medium used which could include aborted human fetal tissue, dog tissue, egg tissue, monkey kidney cell tissue, etc. Apart from the ethical issues raised by these methods of vaccine development, especially for those who maintain a ‘pro-life’ or vegan standpoint, very little scientific study has been done to determine the impact of injecting these fragments of foreign material into the muscle of a small baby. One study on the elimination of aluminum by infants after receiving vaccines containing aluminum adjuvants showed that it was not excreted in the urine and was not measurable in the blood in the two weeks following the injection. Where was it? Since the researchers did not find it excreted by the body, the obvious question that one would think they would be eager to ask and answer is, “Where is the aluminum and what is it doing?” Further studies have not been published, so the answer is conjecture, but seems obvious. The aluminum must be in the tissue, brain, other vital organs, or bone since it was not eliminated into the blood system or urine.

The point is that we are regularly injecting babies with a host of harmful ingredients with blind faith that these vaccines will be safe and will prevent a range of “vaccine preventable disease.” What is the truth?

There is a risk associated with every medical procedure. The US Supreme Court has ruled that vaccines are “unavoidably unsafe.” Those were their exact words. Where there is a risk, there must be a choice.

The state of California passed a bill which made a significant change in the ability of families to have a choice in giving a potentially harmful medical procedure to their babies and children if they want to participate in schools.

The rationale behind this push to force vaccines on all children is hard to grasp. A healthy child who has not received the Hepatitis B vaccine (which is given in three doses and contains 0.25 mg of aluminum per dose) cannot attend school in California, Mississippi, and West Virginia, yet a child diagnosed with an active case of Hepatitis B can go to school and no one would ever know, because that child’s medical status is protected by law as privileged medical information – and rightfully so. But is this logical?

A further question that must be asked by those considering vaccines is, “Do vaccines even prevent the diseases for which they are intended?” Recent incidents of multiple outbreaks of various diseases in the mostly vaccinated populations in both the USA, India, and China demonstrate that the vaccines are not delivering on their promised protection from infectious diseases.

Most parents who find themselves strongly opposed to mandatory vaccines were once quite pro-vaccine. They have learned through a long difficult experience that sometimes what you think is good for your child can actually cause a great deal of harm. In fact, for some families who have watched their child die immediately following a ‘well’ baby visit where they received multiple vaccines given at one time injected into the thighs while they helped hold baby down, the guilt is enormous. They were not told that the CDC recommended shot schedule has never been tested for safety. Many vaccines have been added to the schedule without ever considering the combined impact of multiple vaccines on the infant’s body.

Other families have watched their precious baby regress in their previous abilities and become challenged with numerous physical symptoms demonstrating severe damage in the body. When they return to the same doctor who gave their baby the vaccines, and ask for help to understand and fix the host of symptoms, those same doctors deny any connection to vaccines and often dismiss them from their practice. The doctors are unable to address the myriad of physical symptoms resulting from vaccines, from non-stop diarrhea, constipation, neurological digression, seizures, tics, head banging, loss of speech, failure to thrive, etc. Parents recognize something is severely wrong with their child and are left helpless. They know their child is in pain and the severe gastrointestinal connection is obvious, but they don’t know where to begin to heal or fix the damage caused by vaccines.

Parents are left with the aftermath of a debilitated child and absolutely no support. The vaccine manufacturer is indemnified. No matter what happens after a vaccine, the manufacturer is not responsible. The CDC, who recommends nearly 80 vaccines to all children during their childhood, is also free from liability. The doctor and/or nurses who inject the vaccines have no legal responsibility for what happens, and further, are deeply indoctrinated that vaccines are ‘safe and effective’ and thus often cannot recognize the overwhelmingly obvious impact of the vaccine on the overall health of the child in front of them. They do not want to see it, and they have no understanding of how to help heal the child.

Do you believe in vaccines? That’s an interesting word. It seems a word that should be connected with a religion. Perhaps it is. Perhaps the whole system of vaccination promoted by the western medical system is just a man-made religious system.

This information is not designed to make you feel guilty for what you did or didn’t do as a parent. 99% of all parents want the best for their child. Every action towards our infant is done from the depths of our loving hearts. We want the BEST for our babies. Sometimes we are misled by those we trust and respect. They may be misled because they respect the ‘experts’ who perhaps have undisclosed vested interests, or complete ignorance. Doctors are generally very busy and don’t have time to research each topic in depth. They trust “experts” to do unbiased analysis and evaluations. It is time for more unbiased science to fully examine all the facts surrounding the vaccine debate.

The point of understanding vaccines and the potential harm they can have on babies is to help educate those making this decision today. We can’t change the past, but we can warn the generations to come so that they make wise choices. It’s all about choice.

Here are some excellent resources to help you on your journey towards understanding the vaccine debate:

  • Dr. David Ayoub presents vaccine safety issues and autism causation to a group of doctors who support giving recommended vaccines.
  • Vaxxed the Movie: From Coverup to Catastrophe provides a detailed account of the confessions made by Dr William Thompson, the CDC Whistleblower, interviews with pharmaceutical insiders, doctors, politicians, and parents of vaccine-injured children, which reveal an alarming deception that has contributed to the skyrocketing increase of autism and potentially the most catastrophic epidemic of our lifetime.
  • Dr Suzanne Humphries has spent years and thousands of hours reviewing the science behind vaccines for herself after discovering that the information she received in her medical training was far from thorough. I’ve linked one of her videos here.
  • District Attorney Nico LaHood, with his wife, Davida, tell their story of vaccine injury and their journey to discover and share truth. As a district attorney he has great insight into the role of evidence in drawing conclusions.

Thanksgiving 2015Author: Becky Hastings, wife, mother, grandmother, passionate follower of Jesus and truth seeker. As a breastfeeding counselor for over 23 years Becky is devoted to helping parents make wise decisions for the long-term health and wellbeing of their babies. As a member of a Vaccine Safety Education Coalition, Becky writes and speaks on the topic of vaccine safety.

Parenting 101: Raising Little Sinners

watching-the-sun-set-croppedIs there an approach to parenting that is 100% guaranteed to help me raise the type of children I desire? Is there a magic method of getting my children to respect my words and comply with my instructions as a parent?

Grandparenting must be one of the most wonderful roles a person could ever have in life. I LOVE spending time with my grandchildren, every one of them is delightful in a unique way, and they are teaching me so much!

After having my five and three year old grandchildren come for ‘four sleepovers with Granny and Grandpa’, without their parents, I have arrived at a clearer understanding of the word sin and the primary struggle of parenting. Of course I experienced these issues many times in raising my five children, but this fresh immersion into parenting brought some vivid reminders.

Sin is an uncomfortable word for most of us. We don’t easily see ourselves as sinners. The word ‘sinner’ sounds like an extremely heinous description of ‘bad’ people. Sin is actually a lot simpler and a lot subtler; the essence of sin is simply wanting our own way. We are born with a desire to get what we want and to pursue our own desires, with little thought for the needs of others. As we grow older, most of us get trained to some degree or another that we need to also respect other people in our lives, but that does not come naturally.

What does God say about sin? Sin is the thing that separates us from God. Sin prevents us from the loving connection He wants most to have with us. Sin is ignoring God’s sovereignty over us, as our Designer and Creator, and saying, “I have a better plan.” Sin is thinking God’s desires for me will limit me, but I will find happiness through pursuing the things I think will bring satisfaction.

Why is parenting so difficult? Because we are raising little sinners. Little independent people who have their own ideas about what will bring them satisfaction. Some of these little people seem to have a personality that wants to buck every single event or decision throughout the course of a day. Others may be mostly agreeable, but every once in awhile their independence will exert itself. Why can’t children just be agreeable? Why don’t they understand that we only want what is best for them, that we have years of experience that has given us insight, understanding, and wisdom for every decision we make? Why don’t they just eat the healthy food we provide? Why don’t they immediately respond when we have given them warnings and prepared them for the fact that a fun activity must now end? Why do they sometimes randomly physically attack their sibling?

Why do we feel like we are in a constant battle to see who is in charge in this relationship? Why can’t they just accept our authority?

Have I done something wrong? Am I a bad parent? Did I miss a window of “training” at a certain age?

Should I have spanked my children? Should I have spanked my children more? Should I have not spanked my children? Is there a formula for raising compliant “yes, ma’am” children that I missed? Did I read the wrong books? Did I follow the wrong advisors?

What is the answer? Is there actually an answer?

How did God ‘parent’ His people?

God’s kindness towards us leads us to repentance. Repentance is the goal. Repentance means getting off the train heading for “my way” and boarding the train heading to “God’s destination.” Every sermon given by the early followers of Jesus, which we read in the book of Acts, explains the necessity of repentance. As parents, or grandparents, our goal should be to gently help our children or grandchildren to understand what repentance looks like, and why it is desirable.

Having a “see I told you so” attitude, while very tempting, generally doesn’t lead a child toward repentance. Repentance involves a bending of our will towards God’s will. God never forces us. As parents we are often tempted to force our children to our will. This may seem to work for some children, yet this adage is true for adults and children, “a man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still.” Our goal in training children is not a compliant child. Our goal is a child with a heart that delights in God and obeying Him.

Some parenting techniques may result in a very well behaved young child. However, our goal should not focus entirely on the moment, but should also consider the long term. When I think in terms of raising a well adjusted thirty something adult, my interactions with my child may be significantly impacted. The methods of achieving my goal require a longer commitment. Sometimes having a long-term view can result in momentary embarrassment, especially in a public setting where there are people who may judge my child or me unsatisfactorily. My goal is not to please the public audience around me. My goal is not personal pride in a ‘well-behaved’ little child. My goal is raising a human being with a deep knowledge of His Creator, an understanding of their own propensity towards their own direction, and a humble submission to seeking God and His way.

Parenting with these goals is not an easy task. The other problem I face is that I am also a sinner. I naturally desire my own way. I easily fall prey to pride and judgment. It’s hard for me to see my sin or my pride. I am a sinner, raising little sinners. In my parenting journey I also need to repent. I need to get off my train toward my own perceived destination for my children, and myself and get on the train that takes me towards God’s outcome. How do I do this? Parenting requires a daily surrender and a daily seeking of wisdom from God, through His Word, and laying down my own ways. Parenting is trusting God in the way we desire our children would trust and respond to us. Parenting is modeling for our children what trusting God looks like.

Acknowledging that I will never be a perfect parent and my children will never be perfectly obedient takes a huge weight off of my shoulders. Trying to force perfection on our children or ourselves is a source of extreme stress.

Jesus wants so much more for us. He wants to refresh us with His presence. “Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord.” Acts 3:19

Travel Vaccines

passport pictureI have researched the topic of vaccines in-depth since expecting my first son in 1982. I’ve travelled to many countries in Africa and been blessed to meet wonderful people and enjoy their hospitality. I spent 30+ years in South Africa and raised five children there.

I am a concerned mom and grandmother. I am also passionate about health and an avid truth seeker. While I might not seem to be much of an authority on anything, as I read and learn from experts who have a deeper knowledge of the science regarding vaccines, I am troubled when people I love rush to get travel vaccines prior to their mission trips. Here are some facts not commonly known:

Vaccines sometimes cause harm. Most people, including the majority of doctors and medical professionals, don’t know that the Vaccine Adverse Event Reporting System (VAERS) was established by US government agencies as a national vaccine safety surveillance program to collect information about adverse events (possible side effects) that occur after the administration of vaccines licensed for use in the United States. You can go and read 551,181 reports collected from 1986 – 2016 for yourself.

No liability. Those who make and inject vaccines are exempt from any and all liability from any vaccine – that means that the individual who receives the vaccine is fully responsible for any adverse event and ensuing medical expenses.

Choosing to receive a travel vaccine means you are choosing to be 100% responsible if there is any adverse event from that vaccines.

Media Hype. Please consider that what you hear repeated by the media and are told ad nauseam by CDC and pharmaceutical representatives is more likely motivated by financial incentives than the health and well-being of the public.

Vaccine Recommendations. The CDC provides a list of recommended vaccines for every county you might be thinking about visiting. Diseases are listed with recommendations based on the activities you may be engaged in while visiting. All travelers are encouraged to make sure they are up to date with the vaccines recommended for all adults living in the USA: tetanus, diphtheria, pertussis, (given together in one shot called the TDaP), measles, mumps, rubella (MMR), varicella (for chicken pox), polio, and a yearly flu shot. The suggestions for other vaccines, depending on the country, include Hepatitis B, Hepatitis A, Typhoid, Yellow Fever, Malaria, and Rabies. Some of these recommendations are highly suspect. Having lived in South Africa for 30+ years I found their suggestion to get rabies vaccines if you are planning to move there, or will be staying for a long time, to be ludicrous.

Many unsuspecting missionaries have naively accepted the ‘recommended’ travel vaccines only to find themselves incredibly sick with strange autoimmune illnesses. Many mission boards blindly trust recommendations by government authorities without any further thought or investigation. Adhering to standard medical recommendations is extremely naive and perhaps foolish in our age when we can access and study information for ourselves. Injecting chemical cocktails into your body in the hope it will protect you from illness is based on a flawed understanding of what we now know about the immune system. Most doctors have not been trained and do not understand the full mechanism of vaccines and the possible harm that can be inflicted on the body. Giving many shots at once is an especially dangerous practice.

If you are considering travel vaccines, I urge you to watch at least 3 important presentations:
1. Dr Suzanne Humphries‘ extensive presentations on the ingredients in vaccines;
2. Dr Tent’s talk on Exploding Autoimmune Disorders;
3. Trace Amounts, a film exploring the strange reaction one man in his twenties had after a routine tetanus shot.

Additionally you will want to read the entire vaccine package insert (generally a 20 page document) for any vaccine you are thinking of getting. You might also want to study the VAERS data base to discern if there have been reports of serious adverse events from that vaccine. Bear in mind that it is estimated that less than 10% of all adverse events are ever reported.

I pray you will be blessed in your travels and enjoy good health through making wise food choices. Please listen to this caring mother/grandmother before you decide to place your trust in this multi billion dollar industry.

Thanksgiving 2015

 

Author: Becky Hastings, wife, mother, grandmother, passionate follower of Jesus and seeker of TRUTH!

When Did Jesus Get Angry?

Angry toddler 2Jesus was furious. A man with a deformed hand needed help and healing, yet all the powerful people in positions of authority were more concerned about trapping Jesus and enhancing their own reputations, than they were about helping one man in need. Jesus, looking around in anger was grieved at the hardness of their hearts. (Mark 3:1-5)

Jesus was angry because the Jewish leaders were more concerned about their rules, their system, their reputation, their control, and their personal wealth, than they were about helping people receive healing.

InvestmentTheir system gave them prestige, power, authority, and wealth. Jesus, God in human form, was standing right in front of them, but they couldn’t even recognize Him. They demonstrated more concern for preserving their prestige than discovering the TRUTH.

A true encounter with Jesus will challenge our basic assumptions to the core. Letting go of a strongly held belief system can be a fearful experience. Coming to Jesus from a position of pain or weakness, like the man with the deformed hand, was much easier. What did he have to lose? He was already an outcast.

But the Pharisees were blinded by their position and wanted to hold on to the power and authority they thought they possessed. They didn’t realize they were in bondage. By holding on, they were harming themselves and perpetuating harm and injustice on others. That made Jesus furious.

Am I holding on to something that is preventing me from receiving something Jesus wants to give me? Am I holding on to something that could be a stumbling block or even causing harm to others?

These are difficult questions, but are imperative for those of us who are following truth and seeking to live a fully examined life before our Creator.

Here are a few more uncomfortable questions:

Does my business or my employer:

  • serve or produce poison or toxins in any way, shape, or form?
  • truly help people toward longterm health and wellbeing?
  • hide information that may damage their reputation or bottom line?
  • make money through the harm they cause to others?

Imagine how our world could change if all the “good” people resigned from working for “bad” companies. Imagine if we were all able to live completely ethically, relying on Jesus to guide and provide. A high ideal, but I like to imagine…

DSC_0062

 

Author: Becky Hastings, writer, speaker, wife, mother, grandmother, passionate follower of Jesus and Truth.

I’d love to dialogue with you on what makes you angry.

God’s Work in Me

Band conductorThese aren’t new thoughts. Just regurgitated thoughts God gave me on the process He takes us through. God is transforming us to become more like Himself.

But He doesn’t do it in a vacuum.

He doesn’t do it while I immerse myself in popular culture and social media.

How does God, through Jesus Christ, bring transformation to my life?

“And we all with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image, one degree of glory at a time. For it comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.” 2 Corinthians 3: 18

He transforms us as we gaze and behold His image. I want to be more like Jesus. I want to learn how God views me, how much He loves me, and what He has planned for me. I eagerly and hungrily spend time contemplating Him and His perfection. I grow in understanding who He is and what He is like through His work in history, His work in Creation, His work in people, and His recorded Word.

We can’t improve ourselves. We gaze on Him, the author of our life, the Creator of everything and everyone around us, and His transforming power works on us, one degree at a time. Progressively.

Thank you Lord for removing the veil. Thank you for opening the access portal through Jesus. Thank you for opening my eyes to see the work You desire to do in the world today. Thank you for your ongoing transforming power through the Spirit who is at work today. Thank you that you have won the victory and I am invited to be in your victory procession.

“But thanks be to God, who in Christ always lead us in triumphal procession and through us spreads the fragrance of the knowledge of Christ everywhere… Who is sufficient for such things?” 2 Corinthians 2:14

Thanksgiving 2015Author: Becky Hastings, wife, mother, grandmother, writer, and speaker, is passionate about health, Jesus, and joy. Becky blogs at http://journeyboost.com and shares health information on her Facebook page.

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For Women Only

Toblerone Triangle croppedQuarrelsome or Nagging Wife

It’s better to live alone in the desert
    than with a quarrelsome, complaining wife. Proverbs 21:19

Marriage is difficult. We’ve been working on it for 35+ years and I still have so much to learn! Reading this verse in Proverbs about the nagging wife, usually brings to mind incidents of OTHER women. Rarely have I thought I might BE that woman.

As I listened to the audio Bible of Proverbs 21 last week, I believe the Spirit of God gave me a fresh insight and deeper understanding of the nagging wife.

When we hear the words “nagging wife” or “quarrelsome wife” most of us women, have an idea of what that is. We may also know someone who fits that description. But,

What does a man perceive as quarrelsome/nagging?

In particular, what might your man perceive as nagging?

Having recently read most of the old book with old-fashioned ideas, Fascinating Womanhood by Helen Andelin, I came up with this list of possible things men might perceive as nagging.

Reminders of his shortcomings in any area of life. Maybe even something as simple as reminding him that he left the milk on the counter, or left the garage door open. Additionally, almost every man will feel nagged by any reminder, however subtle or unintentional, that reflects negatively on his current role of provider. For instance, reminding him that you are making great personal sacrifices because you have such a small budget, or reminding him of how little money you managed to spend, etc. While you may genuinely feel your efforts need to be commended, they may come across as reminders that he is not providing the family with the abundance he would like to.

A wife is often the one and only place a man will reveal his deepest thoughts/feelings/insecurities/vulnerabilities. We must guard these as a sacred treasure, not to be shared with others. Never to be spoken of in anything that may be interpreted to be demeaning or belittling. Anything that reminds him in a negative way of the vulnerability he has shared with you will most certainly be interpreted as nagging.

While we must guard the treasures shared with us by our husbands, we must not allow them to burden us. We must release those deep secrets into the care of our Lord Jesus who has only affection for us. We must not hold on and allow our husband’s insecurities to weigh us down. We must learn to answer with faith and encouragement both for the sake of our husband and for our own sake.

Another action that could be interpreted as ‘nagging’ by our husband is any attempt to share information or “teach”. Most efforts to bring information or expertise and share it, usually backfire. Generally a man does not desire to learn anything from his wife. If he does want to learn from you, he will certainly ask you, in which case you must share the skills you have gained in a humble patient way. Never patronize him, or speak down to him for not knowing something you know. Never bring him new information, as if you have something really important to teach him. When we bring new information to a man he interprets that as highlighting his weaknesses. What a man wants to hear from his wife is how awesome he is. He only wants to discuss things that directly relate to him and build him up. Everywhere he turns in the world he finds challenges, competition, complaints and criticism. From his wife he wants bolstering. He wants a viewpoint that sees him as the hero.

Other common things woman may inadvertently do that can be interpreted as nagging include talking to him as if he is one of the children, making any disparaging remark about his academic abilities, his financial abilities or past mistakes, any negative reference to his physical appearance or presentation, and unsolicited reminders of any sort. Even when we have good motivations, he doesn’t want to have his actions questioned, “You aren’t going to eat that are you?” or “You aren’t eating now are you?”

Encouraging is probably the polar opposite of nagging. Our goal should never be maintaining a neutral position, but to be robustly encouraging. Encouragement is not only conveyed through the words we say. Encouragement does not hinge on our intentions behind our words. The litmus test for encouragement is how your man hears and interprets your words and intentions. While every man has the same landscape of hopes, dreams, drives and insecurities (For Women Only, Revised and Updated Edition: What You Need to Know about the Inner Lives of Men by Shaunti Feldhahn), every man is different and a puzzle for his wife to navigate. Your unique and valuable position as a wife means learning what words and actions your husband finds encouraging.

Learning how to respond in an encouraging, non-nagging manner does not mean squashing all your thoughts and feelings inside. It does not mean disappearing into a non-person state. As a wife you have a unique position and opportunity to be the one light of encouragement in your man’s life. If you see yourself in this position of honor, you will reap benefits beyond your imagination.

Whole FamilyAuthor Becky Hastings, wife, mother, grandmother, writer, and speaker, is passionate about health, Jesus, and joy. Becky blogs at http://journeyboost.com and shares health information on her Facebook page. Please like journeyboost on Facebook!

 

Appropriating God’s Blessings in 2016

Based on Deuteronomy 33

Appropriating and proclaiming God’s blessings in 2016

I am rich in favor,
Full of the Lord’s blessings.

The eternal God is my refuge.
His everlasting arms are under me.
He drives out all enemies,
Such as illness, doubt, fear, insecurities.

The Lord is my protecting shield,
My triumphant sword.
He brings security, prosperity,
Grain and new wine,
While heaven drops down dew upon me.

O Lord, hear our cry.
Bring your servants together in unity.
Give us strength to defend our cause.
Help us against all opposition.
Bring justice and healing.

For the glory of God,
And of Jesus Christ,
Our Rock,
Our foundation,
Our Savior.